PopSugar | my fake food blog

Aug 11 2014

Summer Salad That Isn’t Pizza: Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad

I’ve been on a real salad kick lately. Mostly because I’d been working on my #pizzadiet (that’s pizza all day errday forever). I realized that while delicious, it’s not actually really that good for you. WHO KNEW?

I made one of my go-to favorites, the Zesty Taco Salad, earlier in the week. But then I saw my buddies at Food52 post this link to the Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad and I knew I had to make it.

Just to be clear, I’m not actually buddies with the people at Food52. But, I pretend we’re friends since I follow them on Instagram and Facebook and love almost everything they do. Frankly, I’m better friends with them than some people I’m actually friends with on FB.

Anywho. This salad was so enticing that my friend Emily and I ran into each other at the store shopping for supplies (“I’m looking for napa cabbage.” “I’M looking for napa cabbage.” “Wait, what are you making…?”) After going to two stores to find the previously aforementioned napa cabbage, we both finally were able to make dinner. And to quote Emily again, it was pretty damn delicious.

If you have everything on hand, this is not only pretty damn delicious, but it’s a quick meal to assemble. It’s a meal that can be put together in the time it takes to boil water. Author’s note: this will happen much more quickly if you do not watch the pot.

This salad tastes like summer. It’s fresh and crisp, and with the dressing, sweet and spicy. There’s a ton of textures at play here, too. Rice noodles with just a bit of bite, crunchy cucumbers and cabbage, and plump shrimps.

In the nude

Is it as good as pizza?

….no, cause what is. (RIP #pizzadiet)

But, it’s a pretty damn delicious meal.

—

Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad from Food52 Serves 2 to 3

The dressing

3 tablespoons fish sauce
3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
2 to 3 tablespoons light brown sugar
6 to 8 tablespoons water, to taste
1medium clove garlic, minced
1 fresh Thai (or bird’s eye) chile, minced | I couldn’t find one, so I used a serrano chile. Worked well!

The salad

8 ounces thin rice noodles (roughly the width of linguine)
3 or 4 napa cabbage leaves, thinly sliced crosswise
1 medium carrot, shredded or cut into matchsticks
½ cucumber, halved, seeded, and thinly sliced
1 handful chopped fresh herbs, preferably a combination of basil, cilantro, and mint
8 ounces cooked meat or shrimp, cut or torn into bite-sized pieces
½ cup salted peanuts, coarsely chopped

To prepare the dressing, combine the fish sauce, lime juice, 2 tablespoons of the brown sugar, 6 tablespoons of the water, the garlic, and the chile. Whisk well. Taste: if it’s too pungent, add more water, 1 tablespoon at a time. If you’d like more sweetness, add more brown sugar, 1/2 tablespoon at a time. Remember that you’re going to be putting this dressing on unsalted vegetables and noodles: you want the dressing to have a lot of flavor, but it shouldn’t knock you over. Pour into a serving bowl. (Covered and chilled, the dressing will keep for 3 days to a week.)

Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add the rice noodles, and cook for 4 to 5 minutes, until tender but not mushy. Immediately drain the noodles into a colander, and rinse them well with cold water. Lay out a clean kitchen towel on the countertop, shake the colander to drain away excess water, and then spread the cooked noodles on the towel to drain further.

Divide the noodles between two or three good-sized bowls, depending on the number of diners, and top with the vegetables, herbs, and meat. Scatter the peanuts on top. Allow each person to spoon on dressing to taste. Toss well, and eat. (Alternatively, you can present this salad family-style: Toss the vegetables, herbs, and noodles in a mixing bowl and then mound them on a serving platter. Arrange the meat over the noodles, and top with peanuts. Each diner can scoop their own portion from the platter and dress it as they see fit.)

Read to Go [sic]

Tagged #pizzadiet, all day errday, Facebook, FB, Food52, Instagram, napa cabbage, PopSugar, pretend friends, Salad, Summer, Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad

Jan 06 2014

1 Comment

Uncategorized

Happy New Year: Predictably, rang it in with Ham

It’s 2014 now.

Time for me to write 2013 on my rent check until roughly August.

I’m fairly certain that you guys know me well enough by now that you know how I spent my New Year’s Eve: with a pork product. And I DID.

In reality, I spent the evening with my friends Alison, Cagney, and Jennie. We had a relaxed New Year’s Eve, on account of desired laziness and Alison and Cagney’s baby being under the weather. We made dinner, Cagney obsessively watched Miley Cyrus Takeover on Fuse, we got super drunk*, and I was home by 12:20.

*We did not get super drunk even a little bit. No hangover on New Year’s Day? Great start to 2014.

As for the dinner making, our motto was New Year’s Easy. COPYRIGHT ME 2013.

Our menu was as follows:

Oyster Cracker Snack
Honey-Bourbon Glazed Ham
Stuffing with Sausage
Roasted Butternut Squash
Chocolate Pudding with Espresso Salt

I was responsible for ham and squash. And as promised, they were so easy you could get super drunk and rage all night and still make them without cutting your fingers off.**

**We did not get super drunk at all, we flipped the channels between Jackass the movie, the aforementioned Miley Cyrus takeover, and the New Year’s Eve shows making fun of the people who stood in front of Times Square.

The ham is unbelievably simple, but has amazing flavor. Sticky sweet and deeply smoky because of the bourbon.

I’m hot, sticky sweet.

Why haven’t I put bourbon with ham before? It was a revelation. And all you have to do is baste the ham every half hour. And you have time to get, like, monumentally drunk.***

***We did not get monumentally drunk. I fell asleep for a minute on the couch at like 11:30 because I get sleepy. And this is a picture of Alison PROBABLY asleep in her dog’s bed.

New Year’s Easssssy

Make this ham. You don’t be disappointed. You’ll have plenty of leftovers. And even if you don’t get drunk, at least your ham did.

—

Honey Bourbon Glazed-Ham from PopSugar, originally adapted from Southern Living

In the original recipe, the ham is studded with whole cloves; however, speed up the recipe by adding the whole cloves into the bourbon sauce. The clove flavor will still infuse in the ham, plus upon service, your guests won’t have to pick out the buds as they eat the ham.

Ingredients

1 fully cooked, bone-in ham (7-9 pounds)
1/2 cup light brown sugar, firmly packed
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup bourbon
1/3 cup Dijon mustard
1/3 cup molasses
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
Several shakes of Tabasco sauce
40 whole cloves

Preheat oven to 325°F. Remove skin from ham and trim fat to 1/4-inch thickness. If ham is not precut, make shallow cuts in fat 1 inch apart in a diamond pattern. Place ham in a 13- x 9-inch pan.

In a medium bowl, stir together all other ingredients. Spoon entire mixture over ham. Bake at 325°F on lowest oven rack for 2 hours and 30 minutes, or until ham has an internal temperature of 145°F. Baste with pan juices every 30 minutes as ham cooks. Remove ham from oven and rest it for 15-30 minutes before carving. Strain sauce and serve it in a gravy dish alongside the ham (optional).

Serves 12-15 people.

Tagged 2013, 2014, Bourbon, Copyright, Drunk, Fuse, ham, Honey, Jackass the Movie, Miley Cyrus, New Year's Easy, New Year's Eve, PopSugar, Southern Living, Times Square

Aug 11 2013

4 Comments

Uncategorized

Summer Salad for the Almost End of Summer: Almost No Cook Black Bean Salad

Y’all. It’s August.

August.

…I hate to say this to you guys…but summer is almost over.

Lady Mary Shushes You

Ok, I get it, Lady Mary. You are cold and hard but you are also capable of love but most of all you DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT SUMMER ENDING.

So, let’s talk about things I need to do before summer ends:

Go to the pool at least once
Use my grill at least once
See one of the outdoor movies at the Reynolda House
Eat all the tomatoes before they leave me and I’m as sad as Lady Edith when she’s been jilted by Sir Anthony Stralan
“I’m so sad about being jilted. And also the tomatoes.”
And make this black bean salad again

Let me tell you what. This is an almost no cook salad. And it’s full of fresh veggies and packed with citrus-y zing (yes, I did type that).

I don’t mean to brag here. But I took this to a potluck and someone else had brought a black bean salad too. My friend who threw the potluck said that my salad was full of much more flavor than the other salad.

In a black bean salad walk off, this salad will always win, Billy Zane.

—

Almost No-Cook Black Bean Salad, adapted from PopSugar Food

Ingredients

1 lime, zested and juiced
1 small orange, zested and juiced
1 green bell pepper, stem and seeds removed, small diced
1 jalapeño, stem, ribs, and seeds removed, small diced
1 fresh corn, grilled, shucked and cut off cob | I grilled the corn because a friend of mine told me that raw corn is rough on your digestive system. (YIKES) Grilling it kept the integrity of the kernels by not making them mushy.
1-2 watermelon radishes, peeled and small diced | I used boring regular radishes.
1/2 red onion, small diced
1-2 garlic cloves, minced
1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
Salt, to taste

In a large bowl, combine all ingredients, tossing to coat well. Season with salt to taste. It’s that easy.

Black Bean Salad

Tagged Anthony Stralan, Billy Zane, Black Beans, Downton Abbey, Edith with Googley Eyes, Lady Edith, Lady Mary, PopSugar, Reynolda House, Salad, Summer, Walk Off, Zoolander

May 20 2013

1 Comment

Uncategorized

In search of my collarbone: Roast Salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad

I have a cool job.

I make commercials and videos. I met Big Bird once on a shoot. I produced a video for Small Batch Brewing Co., opening late summer 2013 in Winston-Salem! (See the video and support them here on Kickstarter!)

But shoots aren’t all fun and games and cavorting with Jim Henson’s Sesame Street Muppets. The hardest part about shoots isn’t about the work. It’s not about the long hours. It’s not about the potential challenges. It’s about the craft services.

Yeah. Craft services, or as those of us in the biz call it “crafty.” I don’t know why. Cause it’s cool? It sounds ridiculous. Like what ladies would call their Bible study knitting hour. “Y’all ready for crafty? We’re doing Leviticus today and purls.”

Anywho. Shoots take a long time. And in the down time, you go to craft services.

Craft services is this amazingly wonderful/evil buffet of snacks for you to eat during the long day when you’re hungry. And when you’re not hungry and you’re just looking for something to do. (Good eating habits!) There are healthy things like apples and veggie trays. And unhealthy things (read: DELICIOUSER THINGS) like beef jerky and quesadillas and fresh baked cookies. And it never runs out. And what’s even crazier is that you don’t even have to get up and go to the craft service table. PEOPLE BRING SNACKS TO YOU.

Needless to say, you (I) eat too much and you (I) need to get your (my) shit together and eat healthier. So you (I) make roast salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad.

This dish was stupid good. And stupid easy. And stupid healthy. All you needed was the stupid stuff. I didn’t have any of it at home. Except for salt and pepper. I’m an ADULT!

I roasted the salmon in the oven. One filet at 350 with salt, pepper and olive oil for about 20 minutes. Picture perfect.

The salad has simple ingredients, but a deep flavor. It’s basically all veg and herbs. And it’s oil free, so it helps combat all those trips to craft service.

Enjoy with a friend. Preferably one who is 8’2” and yellow. Birds like fish, right?

—

Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad from PopSugarFood

2 teaspoons fish sauce, or to taste
2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juice
1 teaspoon dark brown sugar
1 garlic clove, minced
3 large or 4 medium heirloom tomatoes, sliced ¼ inch thick
½ seedless English cucumber, thinly sliced
2 scallions, thinly sliced
½ jalapeño pepper, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons fresh Thai or regular basil, cut into a chiffonade, cause we’re fancy
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

Whisk together the fish sauce, lime juice, and sugar in a large mixing bowl.

Add the sliced tomato, cucumber, scallions, and jalapeño, basil, and cilantro; gently toss to coat. Serves four.

Except the garlic. I forgot the garlic for the picture. What an ass.

This salad dressing is oil-free and is delicious as is, though a sparing drizzle of toasted sesame oil wouldn’t hurt. Treat yo’ self.

The highest compliment I got about the salad is that “it looked like the picture.” Boom.

Tagged Big Bird, Collarbone, Craft Service, Crafty, Healthy, Healthy Eating, Heirloom Tomatoes, Jim Henson, Kickstarter, PopSugar, Production, Salad, Salmon, Small Batch Brewing Co, Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad, Winston-Salem

May 06 2013

3 Comments

Uncategorized

Are gringos falling from the sky? Zesty Taco Salad for Cinco de Mayo

My friend Evan used to get mad at me when I said I hadn’t seen fill-in-the-title movie. But then I think he realized he’d be mad at me, like, all the time because I’ve seen two movies: Dumb and Dumber and West Side Story. So, he gave up on the anger. Too emotionally draining, really.

When he realized I hadn’t seen Three Amigos and he realized he didn’t own it, he bought himself the blu-ray just in time for Cinco de Mayo and invited me over to hang out with him and his girlfriend, Lauren. She made us some margaritas in a VERY fancy and VERY effective container.

Ok, it wasn’t fancy, but the Gladware was extremely effective for margarita making.

The movie was as hilarious as I expected. Ridiculously quotable. So, I apologize in advance, everyone who I talk to ever. I will be quoting it. Lauren had only seen parts of it and really enjoyed. Evan was obviously a fan. But somebody did not care for the film.

Rubes couldn’t be bothered about the movie.

As for the dinner portion, Evan and Lauren have been eating rull healthy lately, so I decided to make some zesty taco salads. My god, were they zesty. The zestiest. I’ve literally never eaten anything so GD zesty in my entire life.

Btw, how weird is the word zesty?

Alright, so how would I describe this salad? Fresh. Filling. Bright. Oh, and zesty as hellll.

I did it with shrimp instead of the recommended beef. But you could do it with any meat you want. Or no meat at all. Because this salad is flexible.

Flexible. And, of course, zesty.

Zestastic.

—

Zesty Taco Salad from Popsugar

1 tablespoon olive oil
½ jalapeño, seeded and thinly sliced
1 clove of garlic, minced
½ pound of ground beef | Or scrimps
¾ teaspoon plus ½ teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon plus ½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon plus ¼ teaspoon black pepper
1 head of red leaf lettuce
½ cup canned black beans, rinsed
¾ cup cotija cheese, crumbled
3 radishes, thinly sliced
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1 cup tortilla chips, crumbled
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 large lime, juiced
3 tablespoons minced cilantro

Heat the olive oil in a large sauté pan. Add the jalapeños and garlic and cook for about a minute.

Add the shrimp, ¾ teaspoon cumin, chili powder, ¾ teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Cook the scrimps until opaque. (Or if using ground beef, stir to break up the ground beef and cook through, about 10 minutes. Set aside.)

Wash and dry the lettuce. Tear apart. Distribute to two large bowls. Evenly arrange the beans, cheese, radishes, green onions, tomatoes, and tortilla chips. Split the shrimp between the two bowls.

In another small bowl, combine ½ teaspoon cumin, ½ teaspoon salt, ¼ teaspoon black pepper, and minced cilantro. Add the lime juice and olive oil. Whisk together. Pour dressing evenly over salads and toss together.

This recipe makes two large salads. It could easily serve four people if it’s served as side salads rather than main salads.

Tagged Cinco De Mayo, Margaritas, Movies, PopSugar, Rubes, Taco Salad, Zesty

my fake food blog

Real Food. Fake Blog.

Tag Archives: PopSugar

Summer Salad That Isn’t Pizza: Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad

Happy New Year: Predictably, rang it in with Ham

Summer Salad for the Almost End of Summer: Almost No Cook Black Bean Salad

In search of my collarbone: Roast Salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad

Are gringos falling from the sky? Zesty Taco Salad for Cinco de Mayo