May | 2013 | my fake food blog

May 20 2013

In search of my collarbone: Roast Salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad

I have a cool job.

I make commercials and videos. I met Big Bird once on a shoot. I produced a video for Small Batch Brewing Co., opening late summer 2013 in Winston-Salem! (See the video and support them here on Kickstarter!)

But shoots aren’t all fun and games and cavorting with Jim Henson’s Sesame Street Muppets. The hardest part about shoots isn’t about the work. It’s not about the long hours. It’s not about the potential challenges. It’s about the craft services.

Yeah. Craft services, or as those of us in the biz call it “crafty.” I don’t know why. Cause it’s cool? It sounds ridiculous. Like what ladies would call their Bible study knitting hour. “Y’all ready for crafty? We’re doing Leviticus today and purls.”

Anywho. Shoots take a long time. And in the down time, you go to craft services.

Craft services is this amazingly wonderful/evil buffet of snacks for you to eat during the long day when you’re hungry. And when you’re not hungry and you’re just looking for something to do. (Good eating habits!) There are healthy things like apples and veggie trays. And unhealthy things (read: DELICIOUSER THINGS) like beef jerky and quesadillas and fresh baked cookies. And it never runs out. And what’s even crazier is that you don’t even have to get up and go to the craft service table. PEOPLE BRING SNACKS TO YOU.

Needless to say, you (I) eat too much and you (I) need to get your (my) shit together and eat healthier. So you (I) make roast salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad.

This dish was stupid good. And stupid easy. And stupid healthy. All you needed was the stupid stuff. I didn’t have any of it at home. Except for salt and pepper. I’m an ADULT!

I roasted the salmon in the oven. One filet at 350 with salt, pepper and olive oil for about 20 minutes. Picture perfect.

The salad has simple ingredients, but a deep flavor. It’s basically all veg and herbs. And it’s oil free, so it helps combat all those trips to craft service.

Enjoy with a friend. Preferably one who is 8’2” and yellow. Birds like fish, right?

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Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad from PopSugarFood

2 teaspoons fish sauce, or to taste
2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juice
1 teaspoon dark brown sugar
1 garlic clove, minced
3 large or 4 medium heirloom tomatoes, sliced ¼ inch thick
½ seedless English cucumber, thinly sliced
2 scallions, thinly sliced
½ jalapeño pepper, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons fresh Thai or regular basil, cut into a chiffonade, cause we’re fancy
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

Whisk together the fish sauce, lime juice, and sugar in a large mixing bowl.

Add the sliced tomato, cucumber, scallions, and jalapeño, basil, and cilantro; gently toss to coat. Serves four.

Except the garlic. I forgot the garlic for the picture. What an ass.

This salad dressing is oil-free and is delicious as is, though a sparing drizzle of toasted sesame oil wouldn’t hurt. Treat yo’ self.

The highest compliment I got about the salad is that “it looked like the picture.” Boom.

Tagged Big Bird, Collarbone, Craft Service, Crafty, Healthy, Healthy Eating, Heirloom Tomatoes, Jim Henson, Kickstarter, PopSugar, Production, Salad, Salmon, Small Batch Brewing Co, Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad, Winston-Salem

May 06 2013

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Are gringos falling from the sky? Zesty Taco Salad for Cinco de Mayo

My friend Evan used to get mad at me when I said I hadn’t seen fill-in-the-title movie. But then I think he realized he’d be mad at me, like, all the time because I’ve seen two movies: Dumb and Dumber and West Side Story. So, he gave up on the anger. Too emotionally draining, really.

When he realized I hadn’t seen Three Amigos and he realized he didn’t own it, he bought himself the blu-ray just in time for Cinco de Mayo and invited me over to hang out with him and his girlfriend, Lauren. She made us some margaritas in a VERY fancy and VERY effective container.

Ok, it wasn’t fancy, but the Gladware was extremely effective for margarita making.

The movie was as hilarious as I expected. Ridiculously quotable. So, I apologize in advance, everyone who I talk to ever. I will be quoting it. Lauren had only seen parts of it and really enjoyed. Evan was obviously a fan. But somebody did not care for the film.

Rubes couldn’t be bothered about the movie.

As for the dinner portion, Evan and Lauren have been eating rull healthy lately, so I decided to make some zesty taco salads. My god, were they zesty. The zestiest. I’ve literally never eaten anything so GD zesty in my entire life.

Btw, how weird is the word zesty?

Alright, so how would I describe this salad? Fresh. Filling. Bright. Oh, and zesty as hellll.

I did it with shrimp instead of the recommended beef. But you could do it with any meat you want. Or no meat at all. Because this salad is flexible.

Flexible. And, of course, zesty.

Zestastic.

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Zesty Taco Salad from Popsugar

1 tablespoon olive oil
½ jalapeño, seeded and thinly sliced
1 clove of garlic, minced
½ pound of ground beef | Or scrimps
¾ teaspoon plus ½ teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon plus ½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon plus ¼ teaspoon black pepper
1 head of red leaf lettuce
½ cup canned black beans, rinsed
¾ cup cotija cheese, crumbled
3 radishes, thinly sliced
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1 cup tortilla chips, crumbled
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 large lime, juiced
3 tablespoons minced cilantro

Heat the olive oil in a large sauté pan. Add the jalapeños and garlic and cook for about a minute.

Add the shrimp, ¾ teaspoon cumin, chili powder, ¾ teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Cook the scrimps until opaque. (Or if using ground beef, stir to break up the ground beef and cook through, about 10 minutes. Set aside.)

Wash and dry the lettuce. Tear apart. Distribute to two large bowls. Evenly arrange the beans, cheese, radishes, green onions, tomatoes, and tortilla chips. Split the shrimp between the two bowls.

In another small bowl, combine ½ teaspoon cumin, ½ teaspoon salt, ¼ teaspoon black pepper, and minced cilantro. Add the lime juice and olive oil. Whisk together. Pour dressing evenly over salads and toss together.

This recipe makes two large salads. It could easily serve four people if it’s served as side salads rather than main salads.

Tagged Cinco De Mayo, Margaritas, Movies, PopSugar, Rubes, Taco Salad, Zesty

May 04 2013

I’m back, baby.

Oh. Hello. I didn’t see you there.

What’s that you say? You’ve been standing there for three weeks since my last fake blog post?

Well, first of all, that’s just creepy.

And second of all, I KNOW. I’m the worst.

On a scale of one to bonkers, the past three weeks have gone to 11.

I went on an 9 day work trip to Toronto, co-hosted a surprise engagement party, produced a video for a new brewery that’s coming to Winston, all while trying to maintain my obsessive viewing schedule of Friday Night Lights. (Tim Riggins, amiright?)

But I’m back. And I’m RULL excited to share some shit with y’all. So buckle up, cause I’m going to get you. Like Smash Williams gets touchdowns. ALL DAMN DAY.

…I’ve been watching too much Friday Night Lights…

Tagged Engagement Party, Friday Night Lights, Small Batch Beer Company, Smash Williams, Tim Riggins, Toronto

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Monthly Archives: May 2013

In search of my collarbone: Roast Salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad

Are gringos falling from the sky? Zesty Taco Salad for Cinco de Mayo

I’m back, baby.