March | 2013 | my fake food blog

Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Naturally, I was craving all of my favorite Irish foods: barbecue, cole slaw, and lemon yogurt cake.

Now, before you start throwing you blarney stones at me, I have an EXPLANATION.

The weather on Saturday was damn near flawless. It was 70. I wore flip flops. I wore a tank top. I ate dinner on the patio of a restaurant. ON THE GD PATIO.

And despite the fact that St. Patrick’s Day turned colder and I should’ve been seasonally celebrating the aforementioned St. Patrick, who did…a thing…for which he will always be remembered, I was not craving anything Irish. As much I love some corned beef and cabbage, the only thing Irish I was craving was Tom Branson.

He’s dreamy.

HASHTAG YUM

Anyways. Warm weather! (That went away and became cold weather!) Delicious barbecue! (That was made indoors and is made of chicken and not porks!)

When you’re needing the south in your mouth (…ew….), who better to turn to than Paula Deen? She seems really nice and also, a little bit terrifying at the same time. Let me prove the terrifying point to you right now.

Um? I’m kind of terrified of Oprah, too.

I rarely crave cole slaw. But when I do, I fiend for it like an extra on The Wire. This recipe is from the Sandwich King, Jeff Mauro, who won Next Food Network Star a few years back. I prefer to think of him coming to his title as Sandwich King by more traditional means, having ascended to the throne of Sandwichlandia when is father finally succumbed to the delicious, yet fatal, pastrami-thelioma.

….that joke sure was a long way to go for a ham sandwich.

EH??!?!?

Never mind.

This sandwich is good. And simple. The sweetness of the barbecue matches up well with the cool (temperature) of the cole slaw, with a tiny heat (spice) from the sriracha. Plus, you can’t go wrong with the earthy flavor of celery seeds. Cause bonus, they WILL always get in your teeth.

I also made this Lemon Yogurt Cake by my best friend Ina Garten. Because, well, she’s great at everything. Everything except making things that are low in fat or calories. In the paragraph about this recipe in Barefoot Contressa at Home, she says that because it has no butter, it’s a lighter version of a lemon cake. Huzzah! The replacement for the butter is whole milk yogurt (healthy!) and vegetable oil (…um….). Plus, it still has plenty of sugar in the cake and essentially two glazes. I’m not convinced it’s any more healthy unless you just want to say “well, there’s NO butter in this cake. Isn’t that marvelous!” But it DOES taste good, especially with a cup of coffee. For breakfast.

HASHTAG BREAKFAST CAKE.

It was a lovely St. Patrick’s Day. Even though I didn’t wear any green. Or eat any colcannon. I’m gonna save that shit for the 4^th of July.

—

Pulled Barbecue Chicken Sandwich, From Pauladeen.com

2 pounds boneless skinless chicken thighs
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 cup ketchup
½ cup water
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
6 whole-wheat hamburger rolls
Coleslaw, optional, but….make that shit mandatory

Season the chicken thighs on both sides with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a large high-sided skillet over medium high heat. Once it shimmers, add the chicken thighs and sear until golden brown, about 4 minutes on each side. Remove to a plate. Add onion and garlic and sauté until tender, about 3 minutes. Stir in apple cider vinegar; using a wooden spoon stir up any browned bits on the bottom of the pan. Add ketchup, water, brown sugar, Worcestershire, cayenne, and salt and pepper. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer. Add the chicken back to the pan as well as any juices that have accumulated on the plate. Turn heat to low, cover and cook for 40 minutes.

A-simmering

Once chicken is cooked, shred the meat with a fork in the skillet. Toss the meat through the sauce so it’s covered. Divide the pulled meat between 6 hamburger buns. Serve alongside with some coleslaw, if desired.

Barbecue Pulled Chicken and Cole Slaw Sandwich

Three-Tone Power Cole Slaw, From Foodnetwork.com

½ cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon stone-ground mustard
1 tablespoon Sriracha
2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon celery seed
Salt and freshly cracked black pepper
8 ounces green cabbage, finely shredded | I used a bag of cole slaw mix and supplemented with pre-shredded carrots to get to about 18 ounces of cole slaw matter. Cause I was le tired.
8 ounces red cabbage, finely shredded
1 large carrot, peeled and grated

Whisk together the mayonnaise, apple cider vinegar, mustard, Sriracha, sugar and celery seed. Season with salt and pepper.

This is the only slaw picture I took…so enjoy.

In a large bowl, combine the green cabbage, red cabbage and carrots. Pour over the dressing and mix together. Let stand for 30 minutes before serving. Season with salt and pepper if needed.

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup plain whole-milk yogurt
1 1/3 cups sugar, divided
3 extra-large eggs
2 teaspoons grated lemon zest (2 lemons)
½ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
½ cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

For the glaze:

1 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease an 8 ½ x 4 ¼ x 2 ½-inch loaf pan. Line the bottom with parchment paper. Grease and flour the pan.

Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt into one bowl. In another bowl, whisk together the yogurt, 1 cup sugar, the eggs, lemon zest, and vanilla.

B.W., Before Whisking

Slowly whisk the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients. With a rubber spatula, fold the vegetable oil into the batter, making sure it’s all incorporated. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for about 50 minutes, or until a cake tester placed in the center of the loaf comes out clean.

Meanwhile, cook the 1/3 cup lemon juice and remaining 1/3 cup sugar in a small pan until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is clear. Set aside.

When the cake is done, allow it to cool in the pan for 10 minutes.

Cake? Or Murderous Plant from Little Shop of Horrors?

Carefully place on a baking rack over a sheet pan. While the cake is still warm, pour the lemon-sugar mixture over the cake and allow it to soak in. Cool.

For the glaze, combine the confectioners’ sugar and lemon juice and pour over the cake.

Finished Cake? Or glazed murderous plant from Little Shop of Horrors?

I read this post on NPR’s site the other day about a new documentary produced by Chef Tom Colicchio, A Place at the Table.

Now, I haven’t seen the movie yet. It’s just out in theatres and OnDemand. But it has to do with the 50 million Americans that are food insecure, meaning they do not know where their next meal is coming from. Of those 50 million Americans, 17 million are children. That’s a tragedy.

Here ends the serious portion of this post.

The REAL tragedy here is the phraseology “food insecure” and it’s flip side, “food secure.”

It hits my ear wrong, y’all.

Now, It’s not a new phrase. It’s been around since at least 1996, according to the World Health Organization website.

I hear food insecure and conjure up the image of a Stepford wife going “I don’t know, Jameson, do you think I should serve this gem lettuce with these English peas?” Or, “is it going to be offensive to serve a Malbec with halibut? This dinner HAS to be a success.”

It makes something really important sound really trivial to me.

The flip side, food secure, makes more sense to me. But only if you know the context. “I am secure because I know where my next meal will come from.” I still struggle with it, though. In an age where food so often is genetically modified, couldn’t “food security” be referring to food that is safe and unmodified, hence, secure? Without the context, isn’t the phrase meaningless?

I conducted EXTENSIVE research amongst my friends and family to see if people were aware of the phrase. (Ok, I talked to 4 friends and 1 family: my dad.) None of them were, but my dad was able to intuit the meaning because he is a wizard.

Here’s the thing. If nobody has heard of it (and I grant you, this was a very small group), what’s the point of the phrase? Why not just say “underfed” or “improperly nourished”? Those are saying the same things using real words. You know, real words that already have meaning. Wouldn’t that have more impact vs. an unknown phrase that is falling on deaf ears?

I know that’s not the actual, real point. The point is to bring awareness to a real issue. An issue that, per the movie’s website, could be solved. Which would solve a real tragedy vs. a fake semantical one.

Now, back to my regularly scheduled frivolity.

my fake food blog

Real Food. Fake Blog.

Monthly Archives: March 2013

The Luck Of The Irish: Or, How I Made Barbecue on St. Patty’s Day

You Watch Your Phraseology!