myfakefoodblog

Jun 09 2013

Mi Viaje a Barcelona: A Carbtastrophe

Those of you who know me as a real life human being know that I studied abroad in Spain junior year of college. I believe it was the fall of 2004 and oh my god that was so long ago and it feels like yesterday. (Call on me, anyone?)

This vacation was my first time back to Spain since then. While I was there, I had some really powerful visceral memories of things I did/did not miss from my time living there.

Things I did not miss:

Weird old men that hit on you while you’re walking down the street
The smell of sewage that randomly assaults your nostrils as you walk down a picturesque sidewalk
Dog shit just all over the aforementioned picturesque sidewalk

Things I did so much miss:

The sound of church bells ringing in the hour
Cafe con leche
The weird, nonsensical graffiti that is so well executed that you can’t even be mad at it, for example:
I don’t remember this from the movie.
The rapid fire Spanish you both can and can’t understand; and on the flip side, broken English for tourists
The amazing sights, including but not limited to beaches, cathedrals, parks and monuments
Sigh.
And duh. The food.

For me, this trip was about relaxing and eating. It was like How Stella Got Her Groove Back if Stella had been jilted by a Lean Cuisine and she chose to get her true revenge ON the Lean Cuisine by eating and drinking all of the carbs that there were in the world.*

*I think it’s pretty clear that I’ve never seen the movie. So this is a really bad metaphor based on what I THINK the movie is about. But somehow I don’t think I’m too far off.

Anyway. Barcelona.

Spanish food is generally simple, fresh and so, so good. And, y’all, they have the best ham in the world.

HAM!

If you’re a lover of ham like I am, then you simply haven’t lived until you’ve had jamon iberico. Prosciutto? Garbage compared to jamon iberico. The meat is salty and the fat melts in your mouth. I miss it already. But be warned, it is also a little bit stringy and hard to eat in front of people you think are good looking. But I digress. Jamon iberico is delicious and it’s perfect on my new favorite Spanish delicacy: pan con tomate.

This was a new discovery for me. The Spanish have bread at every meal, but in Barcelona that bread is so much more than just bread. They take sliced crusty bread, toast or grill it, rub it with a bit of garlic, and then rub it with a ripe tomato.

THAT’S IT. It’s effing delicious.

I have more posts about Barcelona to come. A whole post about potatoes. (MMHMM. POTATOES.) And one a restaurant you simply must go find if you’re in en Barthelona.

Cause everyone deserves a chance to get their groove back , y’all.**

**Seriously, I’m not going to see the movie. But I will continue to make references like I have.

—

Pan Con Tomate adapted from Tapas: Sensational Small Plates from Spain by Joyce Goldstein

Ingredients

Crusty Bread
Olive oil
Garlic
Ripe Tomato, cut in half

Heat grill pan (or broiler) to medium-high heat.

Cut the bread ½ inch thick. Brush both sides with olive oil. Grill (or broil) until marked on both sides and somewhat crisp. Immediately rub one side with a garlic clove. Then rub the cut side of halved tomato on the still-hot garlic-rubbed bread. If desired, garnish with an anchovy or a slice of Serrano ham, since we cannot easily get the delicious jamon iberico here in America.

Roast salmon, tomato and watermelon salad and pan con tomate.

Tagged Barcelona, Barthelona, Cafe con leche, Carbtastrophe, ham, Jamon Iberico, Jessica Rabbit, Pan con tomate, Salmon, Sitges, Spain, Tomato and Watermelon Salad, Woody Woodpecker

May 20 2013

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In search of my collarbone: Roast Salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad

I have a cool job.

I make commercials and videos. I met Big Bird once on a shoot. I produced a video for Small Batch Brewing Co., opening late summer 2013 in Winston-Salem! (See the video and support them here on Kickstarter!)

But shoots aren’t all fun and games and cavorting with Jim Henson’s Sesame Street Muppets. The hardest part about shoots isn’t about the work. It’s not about the long hours. It’s not about the potential challenges. It’s about the craft services.

Yeah. Craft services, or as those of us in the biz call it “crafty.” I don’t know why. Cause it’s cool? It sounds ridiculous. Like what ladies would call their Bible study knitting hour. “Y’all ready for crafty? We’re doing Leviticus today and purls.”

Anywho. Shoots take a long time. And in the down time, you go to craft services.

Craft services is this amazingly wonderful/evil buffet of snacks for you to eat during the long day when you’re hungry. And when you’re not hungry and you’re just looking for something to do. (Good eating habits!) There are healthy things like apples and veggie trays. And unhealthy things (read: DELICIOUSER THINGS) like beef jerky and quesadillas and fresh baked cookies. And it never runs out. And what’s even crazier is that you don’t even have to get up and go to the craft service table. PEOPLE BRING SNACKS TO YOU.

Needless to say, you (I) eat too much and you (I) need to get your (my) shit together and eat healthier. So you (I) make roast salmon and Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad.

This dish was stupid good. And stupid easy. And stupid healthy. All you needed was the stupid stuff. I didn’t have any of it at home. Except for salt and pepper. I’m an ADULT!

I roasted the salmon in the oven. One filet at 350 with salt, pepper and olive oil for about 20 minutes. Picture perfect.

The salad has simple ingredients, but a deep flavor. It’s basically all veg and herbs. And it’s oil free, so it helps combat all those trips to craft service.

Enjoy with a friend. Preferably one who is 8’2” and yellow. Birds like fish, right?

—

Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad from PopSugarFood

2 teaspoons fish sauce, or to taste
2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lime juice
1 teaspoon dark brown sugar
1 garlic clove, minced
3 large or 4 medium heirloom tomatoes, sliced ¼ inch thick
½ seedless English cucumber, thinly sliced
2 scallions, thinly sliced
½ jalapeño pepper, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons fresh Thai or regular basil, cut into a chiffonade, cause we’re fancy
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

Whisk together the fish sauce, lime juice, and sugar in a large mixing bowl.

Add the sliced tomato, cucumber, scallions, and jalapeño, basil, and cilantro; gently toss to coat. Serves four.

Except the garlic. I forgot the garlic for the picture. What an ass.

This salad dressing is oil-free and is delicious as is, though a sparing drizzle of toasted sesame oil wouldn’t hurt. Treat yo’ self.

The highest compliment I got about the salad is that “it looked like the picture.” Boom.

Tagged Big Bird, Collarbone, Craft Service, Crafty, Healthy, Healthy Eating, Heirloom Tomatoes, Jim Henson, Kickstarter, PopSugar, Production, Salad, Salmon, Small Batch Brewing Co, Southeast Asian Heirloom Tomato and Cucumber Salad, Winston-Salem

May 06 2013

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Are gringos falling from the sky? Zesty Taco Salad for Cinco de Mayo

My friend Evan used to get mad at me when I said I hadn’t seen fill-in-the-title movie. But then I think he realized he’d be mad at me, like, all the time because I’ve seen two movies: Dumb and Dumber and West Side Story. So, he gave up on the anger. Too emotionally draining, really.

When he realized I hadn’t seen Three Amigos and he realized he didn’t own it, he bought himself the blu-ray just in time for Cinco de Mayo and invited me over to hang out with him and his girlfriend, Lauren. She made us some margaritas in a VERY fancy and VERY effective container.

Ok, it wasn’t fancy, but the Gladware was extremely effective for margarita making.

The movie was as hilarious as I expected. Ridiculously quotable. So, I apologize in advance, everyone who I talk to ever. I will be quoting it. Lauren had only seen parts of it and really enjoyed. Evan was obviously a fan. But somebody did not care for the film.

Rubes couldn’t be bothered about the movie.

As for the dinner portion, Evan and Lauren have been eating rull healthy lately, so I decided to make some zesty taco salads. My god, were they zesty. The zestiest. I’ve literally never eaten anything so GD zesty in my entire life.

Btw, how weird is the word zesty?

Alright, so how would I describe this salad? Fresh. Filling. Bright. Oh, and zesty as hellll.

I did it with shrimp instead of the recommended beef. But you could do it with any meat you want. Or no meat at all. Because this salad is flexible.

Flexible. And, of course, zesty.

Zestastic.

—

Zesty Taco Salad from Popsugar

1 tablespoon olive oil
½ jalapeño, seeded and thinly sliced
1 clove of garlic, minced
½ pound of ground beef | Or scrimps
¾ teaspoon plus ½ teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon plus ½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon plus ¼ teaspoon black pepper
1 head of red leaf lettuce
½ cup canned black beans, rinsed
¾ cup cotija cheese, crumbled
3 radishes, thinly sliced
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1 cup tortilla chips, crumbled
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 large lime, juiced
3 tablespoons minced cilantro

Heat the olive oil in a large sauté pan. Add the jalapeños and garlic and cook for about a minute.

Add the shrimp, ¾ teaspoon cumin, chili powder, ¾ teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Cook the scrimps until opaque. (Or if using ground beef, stir to break up the ground beef and cook through, about 10 minutes. Set aside.)

Wash and dry the lettuce. Tear apart. Distribute to two large bowls. Evenly arrange the beans, cheese, radishes, green onions, tomatoes, and tortilla chips. Split the shrimp between the two bowls.

In another small bowl, combine ½ teaspoon cumin, ½ teaspoon salt, ¼ teaspoon black pepper, and minced cilantro. Add the lime juice and olive oil. Whisk together. Pour dressing evenly over salads and toss together.

This recipe makes two large salads. It could easily serve four people if it’s served as side salads rather than main salads.

Tagged Cinco De Mayo, Margaritas, Movies, PopSugar, Rubes, Taco Salad, Zesty

May 04 2013

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I’m back, baby.

Oh. Hello. I didn’t see you there.

What’s that you say? You’ve been standing there for three weeks since my last fake blog post?

Well, first of all, that’s just creepy.

And second of all, I KNOW. I’m the worst.

On a scale of one to bonkers, the past three weeks have gone to 11.

I went on an 9 day work trip to Toronto, co-hosted a surprise engagement party, produced a video for a new brewery that’s coming to Winston, all while trying to maintain my obsessive viewing schedule of Friday Night Lights. (Tim Riggins, amiright?)

But I’m back. And I’m RULL excited to share some shit with y’all. So buckle up, cause I’m going to get you. Like Smash Williams gets touchdowns. ALL DAMN DAY.

…I’ve been watching too much Friday Night Lights…

Tagged Engagement Party, Friday Night Lights, Small Batch Beer Company, Smash Williams, Tim Riggins, Toronto

Apr 14 2013

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I’m in a particularly busy period at my job job, so everything else has kind of been put on hold.

That includes but is not limited to: my laundry (ew), my cleaning (gross), and saddest of all, my cooking.

All of my cooking since Easter can be summed up by this gif.

Except with significantly less fire.

I’m off on production for a bit, so no real cooking here for a week or so. But you know I’ll be thinking about food. Cause, well, frankly, I have been for the last 30 minutes.

Damm you, room service menu!

On the Road Again

Tagged Busy, Fire, Gif, Homer J. Simpson, Work

Apr 04 2013

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Happy Easter! Southern Recipes for 4 Days ago or 361 Days from Now!

Happy Easter, y’all.

Wait, what? It’s not Easter? Well, just like Jesus, this blog post done rose up three days late.*

*I am, in fact, four days late in writing this blog post.

This Easter was great. My Dad came up to visit. Mom stayed home with some other family who was in town. Dad and I had lots of fun with no one to boss us. (“No one to boss us” is what my Dad and I used to say when Mom was at the store or something and we were free to be silly.)

We watched Season 5 of The Wire. Fucking Kennard, right?

We watched Season 2 of Justified. Margo Martindale’s Emmy was Justified, amiright?

We dyed Easter eggs. Adorable!

We also replaced my tires after someone LITERALLY slashed two of them. I am not joking. This actually happened. Someone stabbed two of my tires in the parking lot of my apartment complex. It seemed random…unless I’ve been sleep walking-and-robbing again.

Anyways. On Easter Sunday, I made a big ole Southern Easter lunch to be served at 2 pm. As Southern holiday lunches are.

The menu was as follows:

Black pepper beer bread (stop judging me, I’m pretty sure bread is healthy)

Mom’s Green Beans
Tyler Florence’s Ultimate Macaroni and Cheese
10 lbs. of Ham for 2 people

It was pretty traditional and it was really good. There are some holidays where you want to experiment with things (who really needs the same cranberry sauce recipe each Thanksgiving?) But for Easter, I say tradition wins the day. That’s why I’m 28 and still dyeing Easter eggs with my Dad.

HASHTAG NO ONE TO BOSS US

—

Ham Recipe

Ingredients

1 spiral cut ham

Drive to The Fresh Market. Buy a 10 pound ham for 2 people. Follow the directions on the packaging. Carve up the ham by following the ham directions. Eat all the ham. Make ham sandwiches. Freeze all the leftovers.

—

Mom’s Green Beans

Ingredients

Green beans, about 1 lb.
1 large onion
4 slices of bacon
Chicken broth, enough to cover/about 2 quarts
Salt and pepper
Garlic cloves, smashed (optional)

Wash and trim ends off the green beans. If you are in movie musical, you will snap the ends off the green beans on the front porch singing Gary, Indiana. If you are not in a movie musical, you can just trim them in your kitchen.

Cut onion into large slices.

Put trimmed green beans, onion, and bacon into a pot. Cover with the chicken broth. Season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil.

Mmhmm

Keep on a low boil for about an hour or hour and a half until beans are tender and onions are translucent.

—

Tyler Florence’s Ultimate Macaroni and Cheese

Macaroni and Cheese Recipe, Pea and Bacon topping to follow

Ingredients

Kosher salt
1 pound elbow macaroni
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
4 cups warm milk | whole milk is best, you want the fat content when making your cheese sauce. MMHMM.
5 ½ cups shredded sharp white cheddar cheese
freshly ground black pepper
¼ cup chopped fresh flat leaf parsley

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the macaroni and cook for 8 to 9 minutes, until al dente. Drain.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Melt the butter in a large, deep skillet over medium high heat. Whisk in the flour and cook for about 1 minute, stirring constantly, to keep lumps form forming. Gradually whisk in the milk and, whisking vigorously, cook until the mixture is thick and smooth.

Stir in the 4 cups of the cheese and continue to cook and stir to melt the cheese. Season with salt and pepper.

Add the cooked macaroni and the parsley and fold that all in to coat the macaroni with the cheese mixture. Scrape into a 3-quart baking dish and sprinkle with the remaining 1 ½ cups cheese. Bake for 30 minutes, or until hot and bubbly.

Pea and Bacon Topping

Ingredients

extra virgin olive oil
4 slices bacon, cut crosswise into thin strips
1 large onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, smashed
leaves from ¼ bunch fresh thyme
2 cups frozen peas, thawed in a colander under cool water

While the macaroni and cheese is baking, heat a 2 count of olive oil in a sauté pan. Add the bacon, onion, garlic and thyme and cook for about 5 minutes to soften the onion. Fold in the peas and season with salt and pepper.

To serve, scatter the pea and bacon mixture over the mac and cheese. Use a big spoon to scoop out servings, making sure you get some of the smoking pea mixture on each spoonful.

Tagged Black Peppr Beer Bread, dyeing, Easter, Easter eggs, Fresh Market, Green Beans, ham, HASHTAG, Jesus, Justified, Kennard, Macaroni and Cheese, Margo Martindale, sacrilege, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Southern, The Wire, tires, traditions, Tyler Florence

Mar 18 2013

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The Luck Of The Irish: Or, How I Made Barbecue on St. Patty’s Day

Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Naturally, I was craving all of my favorite Irish foods: barbecue, cole slaw, and lemon yogurt cake.

Now, before you start throwing you blarney stones at me, I have an EXPLANATION.

The weather on Saturday was damn near flawless. It was 70. I wore flip flops. I wore a tank top. I ate dinner on the patio of a restaurant. ON THE GD PATIO.

And despite the fact that St. Patrick’s Day turned colder and I should’ve been seasonally celebrating the aforementioned St. Patrick, who did…a thing…for which he will always be remembered, I was not craving anything Irish. As much I love some corned beef and cabbage, the only thing Irish I was craving was Tom Branson.

He’s dreamy.

HASHTAG YUM

Anyways. Warm weather! (That went away and became cold weather!) Delicious barbecue! (That was made indoors and is made of chicken and not porks!)

When you’re needing the south in your mouth (…ew….), who better to turn to than Paula Deen? She seems really nice and also, a little bit terrifying at the same time. Let me prove the terrifying point to you right now.

Um? I’m kind of terrified of Oprah, too.

I rarely crave cole slaw. But when I do, I fiend for it like an extra on The Wire. This recipe is from the Sandwich King, Jeff Mauro, who won Next Food Network Star a few years back. I prefer to think of him coming to his title as Sandwich King by more traditional means, having ascended to the throne of Sandwichlandia when is father finally succumbed to the delicious, yet fatal, pastrami-thelioma.

….that joke sure was a long way to go for a ham sandwich.

EH??!?!?

Never mind.

This sandwich is good. And simple. The sweetness of the barbecue matches up well with the cool (temperature) of the cole slaw, with a tiny heat (spice) from the sriracha. Plus, you can’t go wrong with the earthy flavor of celery seeds. Cause bonus, they WILL always get in your teeth.

I also made this Lemon Yogurt Cake by my best friend Ina Garten. Because, well, she’s great at everything. Everything except making things that are low in fat or calories. In the paragraph about this recipe in Barefoot Contressa at Home, she says that because it has no butter, it’s a lighter version of a lemon cake. Huzzah! The replacement for the butter is whole milk yogurt (healthy!) and vegetable oil (…um….). Plus, it still has plenty of sugar in the cake and essentially two glazes. I’m not convinced it’s any more healthy unless you just want to say “well, there’s NO butter in this cake. Isn’t that marvelous!” But it DOES taste good, especially with a cup of coffee. For breakfast.

HASHTAG BREAKFAST CAKE.

It was a lovely St. Patrick’s Day. Even though I didn’t wear any green. Or eat any colcannon. I’m gonna save that shit for the 4^th of July.

—

Pulled Barbecue Chicken Sandwich, From Pauladeen.com

2 pounds boneless skinless chicken thighs
2 tablespoons canola oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 cup ketchup
½ cup water
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
6 whole-wheat hamburger rolls
Coleslaw, optional, but….make that shit mandatory

Season the chicken thighs on both sides with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a large high-sided skillet over medium high heat. Once it shimmers, add the chicken thighs and sear until golden brown, about 4 minutes on each side. Remove to a plate. Add onion and garlic and sauté until tender, about 3 minutes. Stir in apple cider vinegar; using a wooden spoon stir up any browned bits on the bottom of the pan. Add ketchup, water, brown sugar, Worcestershire, cayenne, and salt and pepper. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer. Add the chicken back to the pan as well as any juices that have accumulated on the plate. Turn heat to low, cover and cook for 40 minutes.

A-simmering

Once chicken is cooked, shred the meat with a fork in the skillet. Toss the meat through the sauce so it’s covered. Divide the pulled meat between 6 hamburger buns. Serve alongside with some coleslaw, if desired.

Barbecue Pulled Chicken and Cole Slaw Sandwich

Three-Tone Power Cole Slaw, From Foodnetwork.com

½ cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon stone-ground mustard
1 tablespoon Sriracha
2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon celery seed
Salt and freshly cracked black pepper
8 ounces green cabbage, finely shredded | I used a bag of cole slaw mix and supplemented with pre-shredded carrots to get to about 18 ounces of cole slaw matter. Cause I was le tired.
8 ounces red cabbage, finely shredded
1 large carrot, peeled and grated

Whisk together the mayonnaise, apple cider vinegar, mustard, Sriracha, sugar and celery seed. Season with salt and pepper.

This is the only slaw picture I took…so enjoy.

In a large bowl, combine the green cabbage, red cabbage and carrots. Pour over the dressing and mix together. Let stand for 30 minutes before serving. Season with salt and pepper if needed.

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup plain whole-milk yogurt
1 1/3 cups sugar, divided
3 extra-large eggs
2 teaspoons grated lemon zest (2 lemons)
½ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
½ cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice

For the glaze:

1 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease an 8 ½ x 4 ¼ x 2 ½-inch loaf pan. Line the bottom with parchment paper. Grease and flour the pan.

Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt into one bowl. In another bowl, whisk together the yogurt, 1 cup sugar, the eggs, lemon zest, and vanilla.

B.W., Before Whisking

Slowly whisk the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients. With a rubber spatula, fold the vegetable oil into the batter, making sure it’s all incorporated. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for about 50 minutes, or until a cake tester placed in the center of the loaf comes out clean.

Meanwhile, cook the 1/3 cup lemon juice and remaining 1/3 cup sugar in a small pan until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is clear. Set aside.

When the cake is done, allow it to cool in the pan for 10 minutes.

Cake? Or Murderous Plant from Little Shop of Horrors?

Carefully place on a baking rack over a sheet pan. While the cake is still warm, pour the lemon-sugar mixture over the cake and allow it to soak in. Cool.

For the glaze, combine the confectioners’ sugar and lemon juice and pour over the cake.

Finished Cake? Or glazed murderous plant from Little Shop of Horrors?

Tagged Barefoot, Celery Seed, Cole Slaw, FoodNetwork.com, HASHTAG BREAKFAST CAKE, HASHTAG YUM, Ina Garten, Jeff Mauro, Lemon, Lemon Yogurt Cake, Little Shop of Horrors, Next Food Network Star, Oprah, Paula Deen, Pulled Barbecue Chicken, Sandwich, Sandwich King, Sandwichlandia, St. Patrick's Day, The Wire, Tom Branson, Yogurt

Mar 10 2013

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You Watch Your Phraseology!

I read this post on NPR’s site the other day about a new documentary produced by Chef Tom Colicchio, A Place at the Table.

Now, I haven’t seen the movie yet. It’s just out in theatres and OnDemand. But it has to do with the 50 million Americans that are food insecure, meaning they do not know where their next meal is coming from. Of those 50 million Americans, 17 million are children. That’s a tragedy.

Here ends the serious portion of this post.

The REAL tragedy here is the phraseology “food insecure” and it’s flip side, “food secure.”

It hits my ear wrong, y’all.

Now, It’s not a new phrase. It’s been around since at least 1996, according to the World Health Organization website.

I hear food insecure and conjure up the image of a Stepford wife going “I don’t know, Jameson, do you think I should serve this gem lettuce with these English peas?” Or, “is it going to be offensive to serve a Malbec with halibut? This dinner HAS to be a success.”

It makes something really important sound really trivial to me.

The flip side, food secure, makes more sense to me. But only if you know the context. “I am secure because I know where my next meal will come from.” I still struggle with it, though. In an age where food so often is genetically modified, couldn’t “food security” be referring to food that is safe and unmodified, hence, secure? Without the context, isn’t the phrase meaningless?

I conducted EXTENSIVE research amongst my friends and family to see if people were aware of the phrase. (Ok, I talked to 4 friends and 1 family: my dad.) None of them were, but my dad was able to intuit the meaning because he is a wizard.

Here’s the thing. If nobody has heard of it (and I grant you, this was a very small group), what’s the point of the phrase? Why not just say “underfed” or “improperly nourished”? Those are saying the same things using real words. You know, real words that already have meaning. Wouldn’t that have more impact vs. an unknown phrase that is falling on deaf ears?

I know that’s not the actual, real point. The point is to bring awareness to a real issue. An issue that, per the movie’s website, could be solved. Which would solve a real tragedy vs. a fake semantical one.

Now, back to my regularly scheduled frivolity.

Tagged A Place At The Table, Food Insecure, Food Secure, NPR, Phraseology, Tom Colicchio, World Health Organization

Feb 19 2013

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Tuesday Night Breadventure and Brinner

Back when we were in college, my best friend Stowe went to Beach Week in Myrtle Beach (he would want me to call Beach Week it’s rightful name: Posties). I was down there with other people, but Stowe stayed at a house with a bunch of dudes. One night, the dudes were trying to figure out what to do for dinner and Stowe earnestly and excitedly suggested, “Breakfast for dinner? Ehh?”

One of the other dudes, our friend Justin, turned to him and deadpanned, “THANKS, DAD.” Cause only dads would suggest breakfast for dinner to a bunch of cool dudes.

This story is the first thing I think of every time I crave breakfast for dinner. Or as we bitchin’ people say: brinner.

Here’s how it all went down. I saw a link on YumSugar today for a one hour start-to-finish bread recipe. It was for Black Pepper Beer Bread and I really wanted to make it. And brinner seemed to be the perfect vehicle.

But if i’m being very honest and specific, this is how it REALLY went down:

See YumSugar tweet.

Click on link.

Avoid work email.

Read recipe.

Decide to make recipe.

Avoid work email.

Read ingredients.

Marvel at the fact that I have all of aforementioned ingredients at home.

Avoid work email.

Print out recipe.

Focus remainder of day.

Leave the office.

Realize the recipe is still sitting on the printer at the office.

This bread is so quick. And so easy. A lot of recipes say they’ll take an hour, but this one truly takes an hour start to finish. And I had all the ingredients in the house. That never happens.

Not to mention the fact that this bread is great. The beer and the sugar give it a light sweetness, but the black pepper gives it some edge. A buttered slice pairs perfectly with the salty bacon and a fried egg.

Do yourself a favor. Make this for brinner.

THANKS, DAD.

—

Black Pepper Beer Bread from YumSugar

Ingredients

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
½ tablespoon kosher salt
¼ cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
12 ounces pilsner or lager beer | I used PBR because fuck you, I love PBR.
3 tablespoons melted unsalted butter

Preheat the oven to 375°F. Lightly grease a nine-inch loaf pan.

Whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, and pepper.

Pour in the beer and mix gently until combined.

Dump the batter into the loaf pan, smooth out the top, and brush/drizzle on the melted butter.

Bake for approximately 35-40 minutes, or until golden brown and crusty in appearance.

I baked it the full 40 minutes, but I think it could’ve gone a minute or two less.

Tagged Beach Week, Black Pepper Beer Bread, Bread, Breadventure, Breakfast for Dinner, Brinner, College, PBR, Posties, YumSugar

Feb 17 2013

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I put my hand upon your hip: Weeks Later Super Bowl Dips

The Super Bowl was a couple of weeks ago, and I celebrated in the best way I knew how: by making dips.

Oh, also, watching Beyonce. And the football game.

And how does one best enjoy a fantastic dip? By singing 1996’s platinum hit by Freak Nasty, Da Dip. (That song actually went platinum. Google it.)

In case you forgot the lyrical genius, it goes a little something like this:

I put my hand upon your hip. When I dip, you dip, we dip.

THIS IS WHAT IS IN MY HEAD EVERY TIME I MAKE DIPS.

Also, sidenote, do you know the lyrics for this song? Cause I’m pretty sure it’s about sexy times. So I’m pretty surprised that I was allowed to dance at middle school dances to it. But…let’s be honest. In the scheme of sexy time song lyrics, it’s pretty mild. My future fake children will most certainly not be allowed to listen to the radio. Because songs these days are more explicit than a sex ed class. This point is perfectly illustrated by musical phenoms CDZA in this amazing video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgigpC-xAB8

Anyways. Dips. I took these two dips to my friend Emily’s Super Bowl party a few weeks back (yeah…I’m THAT behind on my blogging). I wanted to bring something football-ish, so I went for a buffalo chicken dip. And then I had to balance the supremely unhealthy buffalo chicken dip with something healthy but still delicious, so I also made roasted eggplant spread which is all vegetables.

Emily outdid herself on the spread. Her crostini selection was out of this world. (Carrot harissa crostini with crème fraiche? Yeah. That was REAL.) The best part about it all was that there were 5 people at the party and when you divided the number of snacks by the number of people, there were 1.5 snacks per person.

Seems like a perfect way to celebrate Freak Nasty. I mean the Super Bowl. I mean, what?

—

Buffalo Chicken Dip, from YumSugar

2 8-ounce packages of reduced-fat cream cheese
¾ cup cayenne pepper sauce | I used Frank’s RedHot. Also, for milder flavor, reduce the cayenne pepper sauce to 1/2 cup.
½ cup ranch dressing or bleu cheese dressing | I used blue! Or rather, bleu!
1 ¼ to 1 ½ pounds boneless, skinless chicken breast halves, cooked and chopped (3 to 4 chicken breast halves or about 3 cups chopped)
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese or mozzarella | I used cheddar.
Tortilla chips, crackers, or vegetables, for serving | Tortilla chips, pita chips, celery sticks and cucumber slices work great here.

Preheat the oven to 350° F. Spray a 1 ½-quart casserole dish with nonstick cooking spray.

Combine cream cheese, pepper sauce, and ranch dressing in a small saucepan. Heat over low heat, stirring frequently, until melted.

Stir in chicken and about half of the cheddar cheese. Stir until combined.

Spoon into prepared dish. Sprinkle with remaining cheese.

Bake 15 minutes or until hot and cheese is melted.

Serve warm with tortilla chips, crackers, or vegetables.

This dip reheats really well, or is even great cold.

—

Roasted Eggplant Spread from Barefoot Contessa Family Style and FoodNetwork.com

1 medium eggplant
2 red bell peppers, seeded
1 red onion, peeled
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons good olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon tomato paste

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Cut the eggplant, bell pepper, and onion into 1-inch cubes. Toss them in a large bowl with the garlic, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread them on a baking sheet. Roast for 45 minutes, until the vegetables are lightly browned and soft, tossing once during cooking.

Cool slightly.

Place the vegetables in a food processor fitted with a steel blade, add the tomato paste, and pulse 3 or 4 times to blend. Taste for salt and pepper.

Tagged 1996, Barefoot Contessa, Buffalo Chicken Dip, Da Dip, Dips, Freak Nasty, Ina Garten, Roasted Eggplant Spread, Super Bowl, Yum Sugar

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