Tag Archives: Jesus

Sick Day: Lipton Noodle Soup Secrets

You guuuuuuuuuuys.

I don’t feel good.

I don’t feel good at all.

It’s so bad that it’s affecting my grammar.

I hope it doesn’t get so bad that I forget how to punctuate.

Sidenote: Everybody needs to remember how to use a comma. Commas and apostrophes haven’t gone extinct, everyone. Dont just run on in your sentence and pretend like you dont need any punctuation because youre lazy or because you think because you write a blog the rules are different because internetz. [sic] Please for the love of Jesus/Buddha/Tom Hanks/WHOEVER you believe in, use a comma. Good grammar is sexy.

I’m working from home today and eating on that BRAT diet. Do y’all remember this?

Bananas (Nope, won’t eat those.)

Rice (Well, I have rice, but I’m not eating it right now.)

Applesauce (Don’t have any of that at home.)

Toast (Toast it is!)

I had a dry piece of toast for breakfast. A sensible meal, if ever I’ve had one. Then I graduated to my favorite sick day lunch: noodley soup.

That’s not what it’s actually called. It’s called Lipton Noodle Soup.

…pretty much the same.

You boil three cups of water. Stir in the packet of unnaturally yellow flavor and noodles. Turn off the heat and wait 5 minutes. Sick day success.

What secrets lie within this pouch, Soup?

What secrets lie within this pouch, Soup?

But wait. What? What what? What what what? Soupsecrets.com? Pray tell, what kind of secrets hath this soup? Did it have a steamy affair with a cracker? Does it actually hate being hot? Does it wish it was born a salad? I must click.

Oh BROTHER.

From soupsecrets.com/zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

From soupsecrets.com/zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

There are no secrets here. No frothy, brothy confessions. No salacious dish. Just boring brandspeak, nutritional content and and some “recipes.”

No. This website is so bad. It’s making me sick again.

i think im gonna herl

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Oohhhh, Brexico: Baked Ranchero Eggs with Blistered Jack Cheese Brunch

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks, culinarily. A few ups and downs.  

Ok. Mostly a lot of ups and one major down.

It’d be like the world’s weirdest roller coaster.

I shall list the ups and downs in a list. Real badasses use lists, y’all. 

Up: going to wd-50 in New York. Wylie Dufresne was THERE. And while I did not speak to him in actuality, in my mind, he complimented me for my hilarious, hilarious jokes. And we laughed and laughed. Back in the real world, the meal was outrageously good. Highlights include the pig tail with artichoke, olive oil jam and hazelnut; the walleye pike, celery, macadamia and grapefruit; the rabbit (!!!!!!wrapped in fried chicken skin!!!!!!!), spring onion, hibiscus, thai basil nori; and the popcorn vacherin with strawberry, kaffir lime and watermelon. 

I don’t remember this course, but it replaced the scallops. And it was beautiful.

Rabbit with fried chicken skin. Stupid good.

Popcorn Vacherin. So unique.

Down: coming back from New York, and going to put groceries away in the cabinets and finding eighty million ants. Which allowed me to channel my inner Zoolander and remark “What is this, a KITCHEN for ANTS?” (Note: I only made that remark after I got through the horror of finding, murdering, and Lysoling the ant murder site.) I seem to have remedied the problem with Ant Shield and a lot of ant killing. And I’m incredibly OCD and everything that could be ant-attractable is now in a Ziploc bag. So, don’t judge me, Judge Reinhold. Cause to paraphrase my friend Jesus: let he who is without bugs spray the first Raid.

Up: going to Whole Foods Winston-Salem and stumbling on local vendor sampling day when I was RULL hungry. I had Roots hummus from Asheville (the Thai Coconut Curry is so unexpected. Sweet hummus…delicious), Peggy Rose’s hot pepper jelly from Wake Forest, NC, and my most favorite discovery: super local pimento cheese. If you’ve never had pimento cheese, it is a true southern delicacy packed as full of calories as it is with cheese. It’s made of cheese (duh), pimentos (duh again), mayonnaise, and salt and pepper. But the folks at Red Clay Gourmet, made right here in Winston-Salem, NC, do some great twists. The have the basic classic, a Hickory smoked, flame roasted jalapeno (locally sourced!), and a weirdly delicious one: pimento cheese with goat cheese and sundried tomato. People of 336, find this pimento cheese, get yourself some Wheat Thins, turn on Steel Magnolias, start crying your eyeballs out. Oops, I went one too far.

Up: brunch with my first official guests, my friend Anna (of the wonderful blog, Curiouser and Curiouser) and her husband, Kevin Keller. Who one time, after a few glasses of wine, I called Kevin Kline. So sometimes, I call him Kevin Kline. And sometimes I call him Kevin Keller. Cause that is his name. 

But I digress.

Anna and Kevin Kline were my first official guest, so I had to find something delicious for brunch. Something easy enough to make on a Sunday morning, that could be paired with the only breakfast meat that matters: bacon, and would work well with a boozy brunch cocktail.

Enter The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook and her Baked Ranchero Eggs with blistered jack cheese and lime crema. This dish is wonderful. And despite using a dozen eggs, it actually served the three of us for brunch very well. But the best part of this dish is that it’s incredibly simple. You can make the spicy tomato sauce ahead and reheat it in the morning. You cook your eggs in the spicy tomato sauce and black beans. And then broil it with the jack cheese on top. Other than prepping some accoutrement and any breakfast meats that you so choose (bacon…obviously), that’s it. And it’s delicious. Breakfast in Mexico. Breakfast IN Mexico. Brexico.

And what goes with Brexico? Tequila.

Every good brunch needs a boozy brunch cocktail. This one is violently pink and delightfully smooth. As your morning tequila should be.

Just as they do it in Brexico.

Baked Ranchero Eggs with Blistered Jack Cheese and Lime Crema

from The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook by Deb Perelman

Ingredients: 

Ranchero Sauce

  • 1 jalapeno
  • 3 cups (from a 28-ounce can) whole tomatoes, fire-roasted if you can find them | Yeah, this ingredient confused me. I think you should just use the whole can.
  • 1 medium white onion, roughly chopped
  • 1 large garlic clove, crushed and peeled
  • Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
  • 1 ¾ cups cooked black beans (or a 15-ounce can), drained

Crisp Tortilla Strips

  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 4 small corn tortillas | I used flour cause I had them.
  • Salt, to taste
  • 12 large eggs
  • 1 ¼ cups coarsely shredded jack cheese

Garnishes

  • 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice (from about 1 lime)
  • 1 cup crema Mexicana or sour cream
  • ¼ cup chopped fresh cilantro 

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees. First, taste your jalapeno for heat. Adjust accordingly, halving or quartering the pepper if needed and toss into a blender. Add the tomatoes, onion, garlic, and several pinches of salt and pepper, and blend until smooth. Pour into a 12-inch ovenproof skillet, add black beans (if using), and bring to a simmer. Cook for 10 minutes, or until it has reduced slightly. 

Meanwhile, brush a baking sheet with 1 tablespoon of the olive oil. Cut the tortillas into ½-inch-wide strips, and arrange them on the oiled tray. Brush the tops of the tortilla strips with the remaining tablespoon of oil, and sprinkle with salt. Bake for 3 to 6 minutes, or until they are brown and crisp, turning over once if needed. If you are like me, you will burn the first batch. Remove strips from oven, then preheat broiler. 

In a separate bowl, stir together the lime juice, crema, and a pinch of salt.

Once the sauce has thickened slightly, remove the pan from heat, and break the eggs across the surface of the sauce, distributing them as evenly as possible. Return to heat, cover the pan, and simmer eggs gently in sauce for about 10 to 12 minutes, until the whites are nearly but not completely opaque. Sprinkle the surface of the tomato-egg mixture with cheese, and broil until the cheese is bubbly and a bit blistered—just a few minutes.

Garnish with dollops of lime crema, broken up pieces of tortilla strips, and cilantro. Serve immediately.

Brexico!

Brexico!

Fire Island Sunset

From In My Kitchen by Ted Allen 

Ingredients:

  • Ice
  • ½ cup fresh pink grapefruit juice, cold
  • ¼ cup brewed hibiscus tea, cold
  • ¼ cup silver tequila
  • ½ teaspoon Cointreau
  • 1 thin slice or chunk of candied ginger | I couldn’t find this…and the drink was still great without it. 

Fill a tall glass with ice, add the grapefruit juice, tea, tequila, and Cointreau, and stir. Garnish with the ginger. 

Fire Island Sunset

Fire Island Sunset

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Happy Easter! Southern Recipes for 4 Days ago or 361 Days from Now!

Happy Easter, y’all.

Wait, what? It’s not Easter? Well, just like Jesus, this blog post done rose up three days late.*

*I am, in fact, four days late in writing this blog post.

This Easter was great. My Dad came up to visit. Mom stayed home with some other family who was in town. Dad and I had lots of fun with no one to boss us. (“No one to boss us” is what my Dad and I used to say when Mom was at the store or something and we were free to be silly.)

We watched Season 5 of The Wire. Fucking Kennard, right?

We watched Season 2 of Justified. Margo Martindale’s Emmy was Justified, amiright?

We dyed Easter eggs. Adorable!

Egg Dyeing

We also replaced my tires after someone LITERALLY slashed two of them. I am not joking. This actually happened. Someone stabbed two of my tires in the parking lot of my apartment complex. It seemed random…unless I’ve been sleep walking-and-robbing again.

Anyways. On Easter Sunday, I made a big ole Southern Easter lunch to be served at 2 pm. As Southern holiday lunches are.

The menu was as follows:

  • Mom’s Green Beans
  • Tyler Florence’s Ultimate Macaroni and Cheese
  • 10 lbs. of Ham for 2 people 

It was pretty traditional and it was really good. There are some holidays where you want to experiment with things (who really needs the same cranberry sauce recipe each Thanksgiving?) But for Easter, I say tradition wins the day. That’s why I’m 28 and still dyeing Easter eggs with my Dad.

HASHTAG NO ONE TO BOSS US

Easter Sunday

Ham Recipe

Ingredients

  • 1 spiral cut ham

Drive to The Fresh Market. Buy a 10 pound ham for 2 people. Follow the directions on the packaging. Carve up the ham by following the ham directions. Eat all the ham. Make ham sandwiches. Freeze all the leftovers.

tumblr_lpvyf8Nm5Y1qemtx8o1_500

Mom’s Green Beans

Ingredients

  • Green beans, about 1 lb.
  • 1 large onion
  • 4 slices of bacon
  • Chicken broth, enough to cover/about 2 quarts
  • Salt and pepper
  • Garlic cloves, smashed (optional)

Wash and trim ends off the green beans. If you are in movie musical, you will snap the ends off the green beans on the front porch singing Gary, Indiana. If you are not in a movie musical, you can just trim them in your kitchen.

Cut onion into large slices.

Put trimmed green beans, onion, and bacon into a pot. Cover with the chicken broth. Season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil.

Mmhmm

Mmhmm

Keep on a low boil for about an hour or hour and a half until beans are tender and onions are translucent.

Tyler Florence’s Ultimate Macaroni and Cheese

Macaroni and Cheese Recipe, Pea and Bacon topping to follow

Ingredients

  • Kosher salt
  • 1 pound elbow macaroni
  • 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 4 cups warm milk | whole milk is best, you want the fat content when making your cheese sauce. MMHMM.
  • 5 ½ cups shredded sharp white cheddar cheese
  • freshly ground black pepper
  • ¼ cup chopped fresh flat leaf parsley

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the macaroni and cook for 8 to 9 minutes, until al dente. Drain.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Melt the butter in a large, deep skillet over medium high heat. Whisk in the flour and cook for about 1 minute, stirring constantly, to keep lumps form forming. Gradually whisk in the milk and, whisking vigorously, cook until the mixture is thick and smooth.

Stir in the 4 cups of the cheese and continue to cook and stir to melt the cheese. Season with salt and pepper.

Add the cooked macaroni and the parsley and fold that all in to coat the macaroni with the cheese mixture. Scrape into a 3-quart baking dish and sprinkle with the remaining 1 ½ cups cheese. Bake for 30 minutes, or until hot and bubbly.

Pea and Bacon Topping

Ingredients

  • extra virgin olive oil
  • 4 slices bacon, cut crosswise into thin strips
  • 1 large onion, diced
  • 2 garlic cloves, smashed
  • leaves from ¼ bunch fresh thyme
  • 2 cups frozen peas, thawed in a colander under cool water

While the macaroni and cheese is baking, heat a 2 count of olive oil in a sauté pan. Add the bacon, onion, garlic and thyme and cook for about 5 minutes to soften the onion. Fold in the peas and season with salt and pepper.

To serve, scatter the pea and bacon mixture over the mac and cheese. Use a big spoon to scoop out servings, making sure you get some of the smoking pea mixture on each spoonful.

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