Breaktheist: Yogurt Taste Test

I’m a breaktheist.

I don’t believe in any one breakfast. I do believe that breakfast exists, though. Perhaps I am breaknogstic.

Yeah…that doesn’t sound as good.

I’ve been on a real yogurt kick lately. This was after a serious granola kick, an avocado toast kick, and a granola bar kick. You’d think I was a Rockette. #dadjoke

But what yogurt to eat? There are so many choices. So, when I was at the Fresh Market last week and decided to buy 5 yogurt brands that I’ve never tried before and test them out for you.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

(One time, I said something silly to a friend and then said, “you’re welcome.” And his reply was “I did not say thank you.” Couldn’t be mad at it.)

I tried some yogurt so you didn’t have to. Say your prayers, people, and forgive me. My stream of consciousness is below.

It was really hard to keep the yogurts from rolling away. #realtalk

It was really hard to keep the yogurts from rolling away during this picture.

OhMyYog! with Gingered Pear

  • Well, “OhMyYog!” is not a thing that people say.
  • Rich and creamy. Has a unique flavor. Better than the basic fruit in your ushe yogurt.
  • 3 layers? I really can’t tell. Just seems like two.
  • This reminds me of the old fruit on the bottom Breyers yogurt but better.
  • Try again? Yeah, I’d try it again. But I shan’t ever say “OhMyYog!”
Seriously, no one says that.

Seriously, no one says that.

So Delicious Dairy Free Yogurt in Vanilla

  • Not at all appealing visually.
  • “Try the gray stuff, it’s delicious. Don’t believe me? Ask the dishes!”
  • Super sweet, with a weird after taste. Nope. Can’t eat this. Nope.
  • Abandoned yogurt-ship after 4 bites. Went to a delicious, delicious Noosa I had in the fridge.
  • Try again? Never say never. But never.
What. Is. This.

What. Is. This.

Blue Hill in Butternut Squash

  • Saw this yogurt on Ana Gasteyer’s Instagram. We’re basically best friends.
  • It smells sort of like Thanksgiving. I’m sort of excited. Sort of scared. I feel like Jessie Spano.
  • It tastes good. A bit tart in the finish. It walks the line between sweet and savory.
  • It’s kind of weird. I sort of gagged on the first spoonful, thus bringing to life the phrase “gag me with a spoon.” It’s so weird to have butternut squash in this super creamy, dairy vehicle. But, it kind of tasted good. I’m conflicted.
  • Try again? Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe in a savory application.

Petite Creme in Cherry

  • It’s low fat yogurt, made with nonfat milk. Is it going to be wimpy?
  • Yeahhhhh. It’s sort of wimpy. It’s light, it’s creamy. But I’m not sated. It feels like snack yogurt. But it’s good.
  • Try again? Sure, why not.

The Epic Seed, Greek Yogurt with Chia Seeds in Peach

  • I am the most apprehensive about this one, but…I really rather like it. WHO KNEW! I’d never had chia seeds before.
  • The texture of these fruity seedy things reminds me of fish roe. Snappy with a bit of a bite, but the flavor is the opposite of fishy. Light and fruity. Great textural and flavor complement to the Greek yogurt.
  • Try again? Chyea. This one has been a revelation.
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