Hey, remember that time that I wrote a blog post two weeks ago and it had a real “to be continued” vibe and then I didn’t write another post like ever!??!
Did you kind of feel like that TV show you’d sort of been watching had gotten cancelled and nobody bothered to tell you?
NOPE. Just another case of Fake Food Blog. My Real Job got busy. So my Fake Fun had to take a back seat. But fear not, I have been eating and photographing. The bloggery will catch up.
So, picking up where we left off a mere 2 weeks ago.
Walker Texas Ranger was running towards the bus full of nuns that was hurtling towards the edge of a cliff. I had made really shitty blondies for work. And it was 10:40 pm. And I was pissed. Because my first batch of blondies came out looking like it should have been an obstacle in Olmec’s Temple.
So, I decided I would make a second batch. And I would do everything right! And it would be delicious!
And as you expected, dear reader. None of that happened. Cause these sons of bitches didn’t turn out either.
I followed a different recipe this time. A Food Network recipe. No time to fuck around making brown butter. This is basic blondie time. Defense. Block and tackle. Other football words. Helmets. Lines. Mascots.
I buttered and floured the pan. Which seemed weird. Doesn’t that seem like it’s going to make a gooey mess? NAH. The recipe says to do it! Trust in the recipe BLINDLY. THE RECIPE WILL NEVER FAIL YOU. (Let me be clear, by this point I was pretty drunk with exhaustion.)
I melted the butter! I combined it with the sugar! I cooled it to room temperature! I beat in the eggs! I made the batter! I added the chocolate chips! I put it in the pan!
I took a nap while I baked it! And then again while it cooled!
And then, after doing the whole toothpick thing and letting the pan cool, I inverted it to find this:
Once again. I had blondie soup. Cooked on the top. Soup on the inside. What kind of fool am I.
I even popped them back in the oven for another 10 minutes. But same deal. Just slightly more done on the edges. Just as soupy inside.
I conferred with Alison, my friend at work who happens to be a phenom pastry chef, and she thinks the problem is my terrible oven. Which is only a convection oven. I should be turning the heat down and cooking for longer, or something like that. Sheesh.
One day, I hope to open a wildly unpopular bakery where we make these soup blondies. It’s gonna be TERRIBLE.
Blondies, from FoodNetwork.com
- ¾ cup unsalted butter (1-1/2 sticks), plus more for the preparing the pan
- 1 ½ cups light brown sugar
- 2 large eggs, beaten
- ¾ teaspoon vanilla extract
- 2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour, plus more for preparing the pan
- 1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
- ¼ teaspoon fine salt
- About ½ cup chocolate, butterscotch or white chocolate chips (optional) | It’s optional but I did it anyway
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and flour 9 x 13-inch baking pan
In a small sauce pan melt the butter. Put the light brown sugar in a large bowl, add the butter, and stir to combine. Cool to room temperature. Beat in the eggs and vanilla.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Add the flour mixture into the wet ingredients, mixing just until a smooth batter is formed. If using the chips, stir them into the batter.
Transfer the batter to the prepared pan. Bake until lightly browned and toothpick inserted in the center come out clean, about 20 minutes.
Cool the blondies in the pan slightly before inverting them onto a cooling rack. Cool completely. Cut into squares and serve.