Chicken and waffles | my fake food blog

Broad Appetit: The Good, The Bad, The Garbaje

I’m going to blow your mind here: I’m a human being.

I know, I know. There was some speculation because I’m a tall lady that I might be a giantess. Or a cylon or something.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica. via theinstructables.com

Yeah…I’m definitely not a cylon.

Or, is that exactly what a cylon would want you to think?

So, I’m a totally normal human being and I don’t really like to make mistakes. I think that’s a pretty normal thing. And of course, because I’m a regular ole ~~cylon~~ human being, I make mistakes more often than not.

Here’s a mistake I made earlier this week: I misspelled Richmond. Yep. The city that I live in. I spelled it Richcmond. That’s not how it is spelled. But that will appear on the return address of a card I mailed out this week. Keep your eyes peeled, receivers of my correspondence.

I made a lot of really bad food mistakes this weekend. I went with my new ~~roommates~~ best friends forever, Becca and Evan, to Broad Appetit. Broad Appetit is a lovely food festival on Broad Street here in Richmond with hundreds of vendors, live music and more cute puppies than you can shake (or throw) a stick at (or to). And for as many good decisions I made, l made some really terrible ones too.

Without further ado: food things!

Good decision: Scotch egg from Somewhere.

(That is not the name of a trendy place, I just don’t remember.)

The cure for all hangovers

Fried and delicious. Only complaint. It was too big and therefore, too delicious.

Good decision: Chicken and waffles with tahini maple syrup.

I kept my shadow in the picture so you knew who took the picture.

Sweet and crunchy. I want to marry chicken and waffles. I want to be Mrs. Chicken and Waffles. Or Ms. Novak married to Mr. Chicken and Waffles. It’s the 90s.

Bad decision: This ramen situation.

Cold ramen salad. My heart was cold eating it.

Listen, this ramen won the best dish of the festival. And I wanted to like it so much because these guys follow me on instagram so I feel like we should be friends. But, this was a cold ramen salad that needed a hit of heat or acid or something. Frankly, I wish I’d taken a hit of acid before I’d eaten it. Maybe that would’ve increased my enjoyment. But, I will go to the ramen joint and give them a proper chance when they are in their element.

Good decision: Barbecue something with something.

(Yeah. I know. I’m crushing these descriptions. I was a little hungover and I forget a lot. Also, it’s a FAKE FOOD BLOG.)

It had cornbread.

I don’t remember anything about this dish except that it lead to maybe my favorite picture of all time.

Meet Drunk Sandwich. Coming to Instagram or Myspace or a blog near you.

WORST DECISION: Summer Vegetable Bacon Salad.

Shoulda been called water salad.

I had been drinking drinks and eating fried things so I thought a summer vegetable salad with bacon sounded delightful. Light and refreshing and bacon-y. Well, sure. That was the theory. This was basically a watery pile of veggies topped with bacon. I returned it from whence it came: the garbaje.

Regret: Cheerwine Slider.

Ok, I get it. It’s better than what I got.

I try to live my life without regrets, but it is Wednesday and I still regret not getting this slider. Evan got this slider. I wish I got this slider. The meat was braised in Cheerwine. Thank God I’m going to North Carolina this weekend.

Good decision: Watermelon popsicle from King of Pops.

Perfect summer treat. Also, the guy at the cart was really sexual with how he opened the popsicles. It was awkward to watch.

Damn it, Evan.

Also, Evan likes to ruin my pictures.

Like another Evan I know.

This sandwich was ruined. Evan Pease will rue the day he touched my iced cream.

Overall, the day was a win even though it was punctuated with food misteaks.

[sic]

Mid-Week Weekend: Southern Food and a Southern Boy, JT

If you ever have a chance to take off two days in the middle of the week, you should do it.

Bonus points if you had the Monday off before and you leave for three hours on Friday for your friend’s wedding rehearsal/rehearsal lunch. Last week was a little bit nutso. By no means was it an easy work week. But when you have Justin Timberlake tickets, you take the day of the concert off and the day after off. And you RELISH HIM.

You relish him.

And you honor his southern heritage with fried chicken, biscuits and grits. Not necessarily in that order.

I bought these JT tickets for the 20/20 Experience tour at a silent auction a few months ago and I asked my friend Anna to come with me. (You can read her version of our adventure HERE. Also, just follow her blog in general. It’s rull good.)

We decided to make a mid-week weekend out of it. And nothing was bad about this decision. We shuffled off to Raleigh for a late lunch at Beasley’s Chicken + Honey. Fried chicken and waffles, creamy collards, beets, and a chicken biscuit with pickled green tomatoes. Wash it down with a honey white beer named for the place and you’ve got yourself a stew going. Wait, I’m not Carl Weathers… Shaun and Scott, thank you for the recommendation! This place is epic and I want to go back right now.

OH DANG.

After the concert, we primped at our hotel (HAMPTON INN, Y’ALL) and then we left (WE GOT A FREE COOKIE FOR THE ROAD, Y’ALL). And headed to drinks and apps with the gal who made the tickets happen.

Lady Date!

Yes, I took this picture in the fancy bathroom at the hotel. What of it.

Turns out, this was the hotel that JT stayed at. JT….and JB. That’s right. Jessica Biel was there too. So, guess what, David Olsen. Anna and I have basically slept with Jessica Biel. And you didn’t. (If you haven’t heard David’s Jessica Biel story…just ask him. He is not shy. WE LOVE YOU, DAVID!!!!!)

We got to the concert, completely missed the opening act (The Weeknd is a person? Who knew.), went to our seats and started playing my new favorite game to play at a JT concert: what kind of man is that? Angry Boyfriend. Trying To Be Cool Dad. Having TOO MUCH FUN Guy. Deaf Guy Signing Holding a Beer. (He was awesome.) Hot Guy Who Wore the JT White Dinner Jacket and his Super Hot Wife (My BFFs Mike and Danielle.) Dumb Guy Who Wore the JT White Dinner Jacket and a Weird Fucking Hat. (Not pictured. He did not deserve to have his picture taken.)

Mike was on his suit and tie. Danielle was just hot.

Listen, this is a fake food blog. Not a fake JT blog. But let’s be honest. JT is basically his own food group because he is so delicious. And I would eat him up with a spoon. (Sorry, Jess.) He was incredible. He sang and danced and played guitar and played piano for 3 hours with one ten-minute intermission. He was funny. And charming. And somehow made it seem like he was singing just to us. (CAUSE HE WAS.) Anna and I danced and sang all night long.

Which is why we needed to replenish our strength, and once again honor JT’s southern roots with some southern breakfast. Big Ed’s City Market is the jam. You know how Cracker Barrel has all those knick-knacks on the walls, but you know they just had them made at a factory? Well, Big Ed’s has a bunch of knick-knacks on the walls, windows and hanging from the ceiling but it just feels authentic. Anna and I split the fried catfish, eggs and home fries and a yummy veggie omelet and grits. (Thank you to Shaun and Tony for the recco!)

Catfish. Not just for dinner anymore!

Run, don’t walk to get tickets to the 20/20 Experience Tour near you. It’s an amazing show.

Run, don’t walk to Beasley’s and Big Ed’s next time you’re in Raleigh. You will not regret it.

Run, don’t walk to hang out with Anna. She’s a ridiculous amount of fun, an excellent travel buddy (at least, the way I travel: frequent stops and needing free cookies), and a very fun concert date.

Run, don’t walk to take a mid-week weekend. You work hard. You deserve a break. Get your sexy on. JT has spoken.

JT. In the FLESH.

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Broad Appetit: The Good, The Bad, The Garbaje