my fake food blog

Hiiiii guys.

I know, I know. I’ve been away for a minute. Work got rull busy, so fake food fun had to take a back seat. Actually, work being busy caused me to break two of my New Year’s resolutions: blog twice a week (NOPE!) and exercise a bit (does exercising none count as a bit?). 

I went up to NYC (that’s New York City, hayseeds) to shoot some videos for one of our clients. And have do I have some exciting shit to tell you about. I ate kangaroo.

I ate kangaroo. 

…Has it sunk in yet?

I ATE KANGAROO.

Maybe this is not that special to some people. But I’d literally never seen kangaroo on a menu. Let me start from the beginning.

The studio where we were shooting was right next to this restaurant in Soho called Public. This restaurant has a Michelin Star, so you know they aren’t playing around. This might be the first Michelin Star restaurant I’ve ever eaten at. And from start to finish, it was the JAM.

By the way, I had just finished a day of work. So I walked into this really hip, beautiful restaurant with my backpack on. My navy blue Jansport bookbag with pink polka dots. WHAT’S UP, NEW YORK. HOW YA LIKE ME NOW. I’m a 28 year old 3^rd grader.

Anyways. I’m there with my friends Emily and Sarah and we get the menu. And I see this:

Grilled kangaroo on a coriander falafel with lemon tahini sauce and green pepper relish

And my metaphorical jaw dropped. And then when I tasted, my actual jaw dropped. I got it for the story, you guys. To be like “oh, yeah, I tried kangaroo. Before I ate him, he used to be boxer in cartoons!” Sidenote: How come kangaroos in cartoons are always boxers? Is that a thing? Was that like a circus attraction where humans boxed kangaroos? I’m joking but I’m also actually asking.

I digress. The kangaroo was grilled—but only barely. So it was sort of like a carpaccio. It was tender. It was a little bit sweet. If I had to compare it to something, it would be similar in to beef in terms of it’s texture, but it was much leaner. And it was so much better than beef because it was so much more tender. And with the spices in and crunch of the coriander falafel? Damn, y’all.

My question about the dish is: what part of the kangaroo was it? Tail? Arm? Leg? Loin? ….Pouch? Do I not want to know? Is that why we’re just generically calling it kangaroo?

I took a picture, but it’s dark. So, I’m not posting it. Look, I couldn’t be the asshole who went to the Michelin star restaurant with a pink polka dotted Jansport backpack AND took flash photography at the table. I mean, as it was, I kept hitting my head on some functional wall art that might have attached to a lamp that could have come crashing down on our heads.

I was NOT cool enough for this restaurant.

For my entrée, I got the porkstravaganza: Szechuan crusted pork tenderloin and roasted belly of Berkshire pork with braised daikon, pickled baby carrots, and slow poached egg in a truffle dashi broth. It was out of control. I can’t even… To try to talk about it would be to dishonor it’s memory. 

But the best comment of the night came when we tried one of the two side dishes we ordered: sweet potato miso mash. Seemingly unassuming. But it was sweet, but savory. So harmonious, with the salty miso balancing out the natural sweetness of the sweet potato. (Please note, I’ve said the word “sweet” 4 times already. Let’s see how many times I’ll say it by the end of this paragraph!)  So. The sweet potato mash. Emily tries it and says “um, you’ve got to try this.” So, Sarah and I do. And then Sarah says the best thing I’ve ever heard anyone say about food. “Oh my god. How did they even get it to do that.” (Total ‘sweet’ count: 5)

And she’s right. Cause it was the perfect bite. And my last bite…of the entrees, that is. 

Cause then, we split this for dessert. Yuzu lime tart, coconut and meringue sorbet, kaffir lime sauce, candied macadamia nuts. It was stunning to look at and exciting to eat. Sweet and tart and soft and crunchy. The perfect end to the meal. And bonus, the only photo that doesn’t look like a super dark blob! What a terrific blog this is. 

The meal was great, the prices weren’t outrageous. But all in all, the whole night has given me something new to strive for in the food department. One day, I hope to cook something good enough to get a comment as awesome as “Oh my god. How did they even get it to do that.”