Alex Guarnaschelli | my fake food blog

The Grossest Food Typo: Mom’s Meatload, err, Meatloaf

I’m going to say something that is going to make me WILDLY unpopular, but, I’m a huge racist…

…wait for it…

…against the autumn.

(Ew. Not a REAL racist, you jerks.)

I hate fall. I don’t swoon over pumpkin spice. I like when the leaves change because it’s pretty, but then the trees are naked. For like, a really long time. And don’t even get me started on the cold.

Ok, fuck it. I got started on the cold. I’m from Florida. I went to an outdoor high school. And during the fall and winter, I wore a heavy down coat to get from class to class. And I’m pretty sure it got to 50 at the lowest. Is it ridiculous? Yeah. And do I hate it? YES.

I hate sweaters. Because sweaters make you sweat. (It’s IN the NAME.) And because I’m basically Madame Maxine, sleeves don’t fit me. Every sweater is basically 2-8 inches too short.

So, yeah. I prefer the summer.

One of my besties, Alison, is the official ambassador for autumn. She’s trying to convince me to love it. She’s doing a pretty good job so far because she dropped off a lovely jar of hot cocoa on my porch on Thursday morning JUST BECAUSE. That made me like fall (and her) just a little bit more.

If truth be told, the one thing I’m excited about from an autumnal perspective is the food. Cause, duh. Fall is is the time for soup and comfort food. Which is why I made decided to make Alex Guarnaschelli’s Mom’s Meatloaf.

My mom has always made good meatloaf. For me, meatloaf always comes with velvety, buttery mashed potatoes and crisp, salty green beans. That’s how I always had it growing up. It’s like a hug from the past.

….Which is why it was a huge disappointment when I made soupy mashed potatoes and corn. THAT is like someone reminding you that your favorite dog died on your 8th birthday. (Oh, Chi Chi!)

But hey, at least the meatloaf was good. Actually, it was great. A comforting reminder of home and family and warmth and….the seasons…and oh shit….maybe I do like fall after all.

I BLAME ALISON.

—

Mom’s Meatloaf from Old School Comfort Food

Ingredients

2 teaspoons canola oil, plus more if needed
2 small yellow onions, minced (about 1 cup)
2 garlic cloves, minced
Kosher sald
1 pound ground beef, preferably 8 ounces ground sirloin and 8 ounces ground chuck
¾ pound ground pork, preferably shoulder
1 teaspoon hot paprika
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 cup plus 2 teaspoons plain dried bread crumbs, plus more if needed
2/3 cup ketchup, plus more for brushing, preferably Heinz
1 cup sour cream
1 medium bunch curly parsley, leaves chopped (1/4 cup)
1 medium bunch fresh tarragon, leaves chopped (2 tablespoons)
3 large eggs, lightly beaten, plus another as needed

Preheat the oven to 400. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. If you are like me, you will use aluminum foil and you will have your meatloaf stick. If you use aluminum foil, spray your foil with cooking spray, people.

Make the meatloaf mix. In a medium skillet, heat the canola oil over medium heat. Add the onions and garlic, season with salt, and cook, stirring from time to time, until translucent, 3 to 5 minutes. Scrape into a bowl and set aside to cool. Reserve the pan; do not wipe it out.

Put the beef and pork in a large bowl and gently knead them together with your hands. Spread the meat out on the bottom and the sides of the bowl and season with 2 teaspoons salt. Add the paprika, the pepper, bread crumbs, ketchup, sour cream, parsley, tarragon, the onion mixture, and 3 of the eggs. Mix to blend.

Taste test. Heat the skillet over medium heat; if there isn’t a sufficient layer of fat left in the pan, add a little more oil. When the pan is hot, lower the heat and add a small piece of the meatloaf mixture. Cook until cooked through, 1 to 2 minutes per side. Remove from the pan and taste. If too moist, add more bread crumbs. If too dry, add another egg.

Mold the meat mixture [ew] into the shape of a rectangular loaf pan, roughly 9 x 5 inches, and place it on the parchment-lined baking sheet. The meat will feel slightly wet. It should form into a ball but still stick to your hands slightly. Bake for 15 minutes.

Ewww.

Brush the meatloaf with additional ketchup and lower the oven temperature to 350. Bake until meat is firm when touched or when it has an internal temperature of 150, 30 to 35 minutes more. Remove from oven, pour off any excess grease, and allow the meatloaf to rest for 10 to 15 minutes before slicing and serving. Brush again with ketchup, if desired.

Great Meatloaf, Mediocre Everything Else

I wasn’t ignoring you, I swear: My New Food Obsession

I haven’t blogged in over two weeks. Making me the worst real blogger ever, but still a PRETTY SOLID fake food blogger.

What have I been doing? Working. Eating. Thinking about food. Not really cooking it too much, though.

What have I not been doing? Blogging. Duh.

I’ve had a couple of amazing food days in the past two weeks. In New York City last week, I ate a phenomenal lobster salad for lunch at a bistro called Artisanal and the very same day had lobster and crab spicy spaghetti for dinner at a neighborhood Italian place called Novita. Lobster two-a-days? Don’t mind if I do. #fatdontstop

And I’ve had some less than amazing food days. Two nights ago, I got a chicken souvlaki from Hero House with a side of fries….and a side of chicken fingers. Good? Yeah. Gross? YEAH.

But the coolest food discovery of the last few weeks has been a reintroduction to an old friend. A nerd god among men. A clotheshorse. A good looking enough guy, sure, but his brain makes him one of the sexiest men on the planet.

I’m talking about Alton Brown, people.

He looks a bit of a Grouch there, really.

Alton Brown is excellent. And his podcast, The Alton Browncast, is excellent. Why, you ask?

First off, he’s a food authority. He not only knows how to make food delicious, but he understands the science of the food. Why it tastes the way it does. What happens when you add this ingredient to that. Why you cook it this way. He gets the chemistry of it all. And he presented it to us for years in his phenomenally entertaining show Good Eats. Who knew Food Science + Cooking + Nerdy Glasses Guy could be so fun to watch? (Bonus: Alton was a Theatre major at the University of Georgia. So, of COURSE he made it fun. Also, I was a Theatre major. So, of COURSE I love him.) And the other thing about him, after listening to his podcast, he’s a regular guy with interests beyond cooking. So that makes him a terrific interviewer. He can talk about race horses with Bobby Flay. He can talk about daughters with Hugh Acheson. He can talk about Atlanta with Keith Schroder. And, by the way, he can–and does–talk flavors with all of them. Are you a Doctor Who fan? So is he. He even created a recipe for fish fingers and custard.

Do yourself a favor. Listen to this podcast. It’s a little less than an hour. You’ll learn something new. Every podcast, there is a food of the day and he answers questions from listeners. You’ll laugh. He’s opinionated. He’s cheeky. He loves a game. He said he’s doing his new culinary game show Cutthroat Kitchen because it is primarily fun.

But most of all, this podcast is available to you for the low, low price of absolutely nothing. That’s right, folks. The absolutely low price of 0 dollars. You can’t beat that.

Don’t delay. Download the podcast player on your phone (if you didn’t have it already like me…) and download his old podcasts. You could do it in order. But I started with Alex Guarnaschelli’s and it was charming.

Or hell, listen for free online on The Nerdist.

Say yes to food. Say yes to science. Say yes to glasses. Say yes to fezzes.

Fezzes?

Yeah. Fezzes are cool.

I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.

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Tag Archives: Alex Guarnaschelli

The Grossest Food Typo: Mom’s Meatload, err, Meatloaf

I wasn’t ignoring you, I swear: My New Food Obsession