Split Pea Soup: The Creamiest, Hammiest, Splitiest, Pea-iest Soup Ever

And now, a dad joke.

What’d you have for breakfast?

Pea soup.

What’d you have for lunch?

Pea soup.

What’d you have for dinner?

Pea soup.

What’d you do all night?

Pee soup.

Get it? Cause…pea….and pee….it’s a homonym.

It’s literally a dad joke because my dad told it to me when I was like 10 or something. And I’ve cherished it all these years. I don’t know what that says about me/us.

After my New Year’s Easy Eve ham, I had a leftover hambone and a lot of leftover ham. So, the natural course of action was to make a split pea soup. HASHTAG SOUPCLUB

Hambone Burnett.

Hambone Burnett.

I have to say, this is one of my favorite soups. It’s thick and creamy, but without the addition of any dairy for the anti-lactites. It’s full of vegetables and has an underlying hamminess. And while that sounds ridiculous to type, it actually is true. The hambone flavors the background of the soup with the broth and the water, and then including actual ham reinforces that flavor and is just plain delicious. Don’t skip the lemon juice at the end; it really brightens the soup up.

I can’t tell you that this soup will help your comedy at all.

After all, it is a bit of a ham.

You knew it was coming.

Oh, don’t look so surprised. We all knew I was going to wrap up with a bad joke/ham joke. #selfaware

Split Pea Soup with Ham from MarthaStewart.com

  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 chopped medium onion
  • 4 carrots, thinly sliced
  • 3 celery stalks, thinly sliced
  • 1 tablespoon dried thyme leaves
  • Coarse salt and ground pepper
  • 1 can (14.5 ounces) reduced-sodium chicken broth
  • 1 bag (16 ounces) green split peas, picked over and rinsed
  • Ham bone plus 2 cups reserved ham from the recipe Glazed Ham with Apricot-Mustard Sauce, cut into 1/2-inch cubes | I didn’t make this recipe, but I’m sure it’s delicious.
  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 4 slices whole-wheat sandwich bread, crusts removed, cut into 1/4-inch cubes
  • 1 to 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

In a Dutch oven or 5-quart heavy pot with a lid, heat oil over medium. Add onion, carrots, celery, and thyme; season with salt and pepper. Cook until vegetables begin to soften, 5 to 8 minutes.

Add broth, split peas, ham bone, and 5 cups water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to medium-low, and partially cover; simmer until peas are soft, 30 to 45 minutes.

Meanwhile, make croutons: In a large skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Add bread and cook, tossing occasionally, until browned and crisp, 6 to 8 minutes. Pay attention here, these mo-fos will burn. Transfer to a paper-towel-lined plate.

Remove and discard bone from soup. Working in batches, puree only 1/2 the soup in a blender (don’t overfill); return to pot. Add ham cubes, and simmer until heated through. If necessary, thin with water. Add salt, pepper, and lemon juice to taste. Serve topped with croutons.

Ahhh.

Ahhh. Out of focus soup.

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