Got some cheesy drizzle/Running down my chizzle

Did you ever want something so bad but not KNOW you wanted it until you actually GOT it? 

As I was blow drying my hair before work yesterday, I got a gift straight from The Man Upstairs. I was doing my usual lap of social media on my phone: Twitter, Facebook, and lastly, YumSugar where I saw a link to some fried EFFING gold on Grubstreet. It was a video of the hottest rap/food collabo in town.

Snoop Lion (nee Dogg) rapping for Hot Pockets.

What song did he choose? …You’re joking, right?

Y’all. It’s the LONG awaited pastry-filled remix of Drop It Like It’s Hot. 

May I introduce to you: Pocket Like It’s Hot 

At 5:48 am on Saturday morning, I emailed this to a group of my friends. PEOPLE NEED TO SEE THIS.

Yesterday, it was at around 300,000 views. Today, it’s at over a million. PEOPLE ARE SEEING THIS.

And how could they not be with such ah-mazing features like:

  • “I just heat it up to eat it up.” (EW)
  • A dancing Hot Pocket with sunglasses and a pimp-ass cape
  • Music that is really similar yet SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT from Drop It Like It’s Hot (Legal reasons, y’all)
  • Aforementioned Hot Pocket in a hot tub with some beyotches. To quote the Grub Street write up, “somehow [the Hot Pocket] can withstand a leisurely jacuzzi soaking without detriment to his crispy pastry exterior.”
  • A rapper named DeStorm Power (who with a name like that, should be rapping for the Electric Company) with a blinged out necklace that says HOTT CHEESE
  • Lyrical brilliance like: “pepperoni pizza much better than some fish heads,” “let’s sign the pre nup/me and Hot Pockets is never gonna split up”, “Got some cheesy drizzle/dripping on my chizzle”
  • And a shot towards the end of Snoop taking a real life Hot Pocket out of the microwave and saying “Oh yeah, now it’s time to undress you.”

I… I’m… I just. I just have to ask a question. ….Do the people want to sex the Hot Pockets? I’m getting that vibe. It’s not an American Pie thing, right? Because I’ve eaten Hot Pockets before. And they scald your mouth so you can’t taste for DAYS. So, I’ve got to imagine what they could do to your swimsuit area.

PS, my favorite Hot Pocket thing ever? When Jim Gaffigan talks about it in his stand up. But probably wasn’t endorsed or paid for by Hot Pocket themselves. 

Honestly, I’m not sure what marketing purpose it serves. But frankly, we’re all talking about Hot Pockets. So, points for that.

But it doesn’t make me want to eat one. And I definitely, DEFINITELY don’t want to bed one. 

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